Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

The passage is found in the New Testament in Matthew (7:7, NIV). For many people, these words are merely a beautiful text with little or no meaning on a personal level. Perhaps its promise may not even seem realistic, especially if we lack a spiritual or religious life. Even with a belief in a Higher Power, the message may still seem too good to be true. Yet, during the last years of my own life, this passage has been transformed from a distant possibility to an actual reality.

Using “asking” in real life

In my interpretation today, I believe the “asking” is not primarily meant to be a wishing for good or better things. Rather, it would refer to ”a yearning for a change of mind and heart”. It may be a need to understand a complex situation; or for guidance on how to act in a difficult situation, or how to relate to another person; or a desire for another emotional state, such as more harmony or courage.

When a difficult situation arises in my life, my natural tendency has always been to call a friend or talk with a parent to ventilate and ask for advice. As an adult, I will also turn to my husband to share my thoughts and feelings, and perhaps receive comfort in a long hug. Over the last years, however, when a challenge comes up, I have begun to also turn within (to God*) for guidance. In many ways, this practice is not farfetched for me, as I do believe in God’s existence and have a sincere interest in spirituality. Yet, before my very first experience of asking God and actually receiving an answer, I didn’t know if it would be possible. Today, having received clear and relevant answers on at least a handful of occasions, I know through personal experience that it is indeed possible for any person. (*Note: Instead of using the word God, you may refer to a “Higher power”, “Source”, “Spirit”, “Higher Self”, “Soul”, “Your body’s inner wisdom”, or similar.)

When asking, the question may concern anything that feels important in that moment. For me, the answer may come as one or more words or as an inner image. There is no sound in the head but the words and images come telepathically, either as written words or scenes. More than often, and to my astonishment, the same message will come again several times over the following days or weeks, by other means. For example, I might be reading a text and the same words that were received within are seen written on the page. Or I might be listening to an audio or watching a video, and the same answer is emphasized by the person speaking. I am amazed by the confirmation every time. It gives me assurance that I should take the message ’to heart’ and act upon it with trust.

Note: We are the most receptive to an answer when we are most desparate for help. We need to be fully open to whatever is given and eagerly yearning for an answer, not just asking out of curiousity. You could say that your heart must be open and yearning so that the door (to God/Higher Wisdom) will be opened for you.

The Process of Asking

The process of asking is really quite simple. Practically, I will be lying down on my bed, either in the evening at bedtime, in the morning after waking up, or in the daytime when I feel a pressing need to go within for an answer. I begin by closing my eyes and setting an intention to turn inward with an open, curious, and humble mind. I then anchor myself with a simple reminder that “I do not know what do think/feel/do” (depending on what I feel). I then wait patiently for any word or image to arise in my mind. The answers astonish me each time; they are crystal clear in terms of the wordings and meaning for my personal situation. Also, they are perfectly relevant and to the point for my particular question.

When asking, it is important to be open to whatever answers may come. If we hold judgment, disbelief, or any other form of resistance, we will block ourselves from hearing or seeing an answer. At the same time, we need to have some level of discernment in order to rely on the source of the answer and to trust in the message. If the message is coming from your own egoic mind (or personality), it tends to be based either in fear or primarily selfish concerns. In contrast, if the answer is truly coming from a higher source of wisdom, you feel the quality of benevolence in the answer, and you may be surprised by its wisdom and simplicity. A thought like this may come: ”Of course, why didn’t I think of that!”. When we are able to intuitively trust in the source, we will know that the message is of the highest good for both ourselves and everyone concerned.

At the same time, we always have free will to decide whether to believe in and act upon the answer, or to ignore it and dismiss it. No matter what their character, we have the opportunity to learn from our choices and actions.

A message: Wait, Believe and Focus

Some time ago, I was faced with a difficult situation and was struggling with a sense of confusion and lack of direction. At one point, I realized that I needed to ask God for guidance, as I couldn’t find the answers within my intellectual mind nor in other people’s advice. The situation was too complex to understand with my intellect, and because I didn’t know how to relate to it emotionally, I couldn’t find any peace inside.

So, I decided to go within. I closed my eyes and formulated my central question as truthfully and concisely as possible. Then, I directed my attention forward as if focusing on a central point in front of me in the blurr scene of my inner vision. I rested in a trust that the question will be heard (by God) and that – if I wait patiently long enough – an answer will emerge. The question was: “How can I relate to this situation?”

Within a few minutes or less, a word arose in my mind: “WAIT” (as “vänta” in Swedish). I gratefully savored the word, including its significance and implications, which came almost instantaneously along with the word. For me, the message meant that I needed to wait for the underlying process to unfold at its own pace, and I needed to have patience and to trust in the natural progression of events (yet playing my part as well as I could).

After some seconds’ pause, I asked again: “Is there anything more?”. I waited in silence and soon another word appeared before my inner vision: “BELIEVE” (as ”tro” in Swedish). Ahh, yes, I instantly knew its meaning for me: I needed to believe that Goodness/Love is strongest and will conquer anything, that God is in charge as the Highest Power, and that there is a purpose for everything, which is beyond my present understanding and control.

A third time I asked: “Is there anything more?” Now, an image appeared of a certain person with light and love coming out of his/her body as beaming radiance. The understanding that was given with the image was that I needed to focus on the light (or good and pure) in him/her, through loving eyes. Of course, it made so much sense…

After a moment’s pondering on each answer, I thanked God whole-heartedly for the three-part message. It had given me both calm and direction. Now, I knew how to relate to the situation with greater clarity and peace. By trusting in the message, I was able to shift my mental approach to the situation and adjust my behavior in a more constructive way. I knew that I now would be able to support the situation’s natural unfolding for the highest outcome to all involved.

In this way, I was part of a greater positive process. I was neither powerless, nor a victim, nor fully in charge either. The situation was not about me, but about the evolution of all souls/people involved. My part was simply to wait, believe, and focus on the light/love in the other person. (Fascinatingly, this message was confirmed by external messages as shown in the photos below.) Only a few days after the original message to wait, believe and focus, the importance of waiting was given again in the subway as I looked up from my phone and through the window.

Only a few days after the original message ”to wait, believe and focus”, this message was given again inside the subway train; when I looked up from my phone and through the window, I see these words: ”Good things come to those who wait”. Some days later, yet another confirmation was given on my way home, again on the subway wall: ”Waiting for a miracle”. (See the two photos below)

Today, in hindsight, I can say that the perfect answer was truly given. I had knocked and the door was indeed opened, as if lifting a veil to another dimension where truth and wisdom are ever present. By asking with sincerity, I had been supported in recognizing the most beneficial perspective, attitude, and action to move forward.In the future, I will continue to ask God for guidance whenever I am faced with a difficult situation and feel confused or uncertain.

With a pure intention, an open mind and a humble heart, we can all receive answers to the questions we hold. If we only knock with sincerity and wait with patience, the door will be opened and the message presented clearly. And if we can intuitively discern and trust in the source, we will receive and know our wisest and most loving path forward. Perhaps next time, you may wish to try (if you haven’t already)? If so, would love to hear your experiences. ♡

Warm blessings,
Anna

For many people, finding time and space for ”stillness” can be difficult in modern everyday life. Yet, being still has many highly valuable benefits for our health and wellbeing, as proven by research. When we still ourselves, by sitting or laying down, closing our eyes, and turning our attention inward, we are able to tune into our bodily sensations and become aware of our thoughts and feelings, and ultimately, listen to our inner voice. People who practice meditation, mindfulness, yoga, or similar forms of centering practice on a regular basis are well acquainted with the calming, deeply relaxing and even healing outcomes of being still. For others, however, practicing stillness can be difficult to ”make happen” on most days, perhaps even on vacation.

Words from Ancient Teachings

In the Old Testament, there is a famous verse that reads: ”Be Still, and Know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10). When we are still and focus our attention inward, we can align with our inner ”center point”. Some people call this place our ”Soul center”. Others describe it as our ”True or Higher Self” or ”Essence”. Still others refer to it as ”God within” and believe it to be the place where we are ”One with God”. Regardless of how we phrase it, it is the place where we become witness to our external conditions, as the events, people and environment around us. Even more importantly, it is also the place where we can observe our inner reality, as our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. In other words, we become the Observer as opposed to the Reactor. Thus, when we lean back into our center point, we distance our awareness away from our random thoughts, associated feelings, and any discomfort in our body. As the Observers of our reality, we can begin to detach from (or let go of) our fears, worries, expectations, desires, etc. After sufficient mindfulness practice, we can eventually experience moments of ”equanimity” (or inner calm) and even so-called ”enlightenment” (or spiritual awakening).

Buddha wrote at great length about how to attain equanimity and enlightenment through various practices of mindfulness and surrendering. According to the buddhist monk Bhikkhu Bodhi, ”The mind of equanimity is compared to the driver of a chariot when the horses are moving at a steady pace: he neither has to urge them forward nor to hold them back, but can just sit comfortably and watch the scenery go by.” (The Noble Eightfold Path, 1998). Jesus also encouraged us to loosen our strings to the outer world with his saying: ”Be passersby” (Gospel of Thomas, Saying 42). In the same Gospel, Jesus also encourages us to seek the ”treasure that is unfailing, that is enduring, where no moth comes to eat and no worm destroys.” In other words, the enduring treasures are rarely found in the outer world, but rather in the spiritual or relational inner world.

Your answers are found within…

In our modern lives, it is easy to become distracted by the constant flow of information and outer impressions, especially if you are an extrovert. Yet, often, it is not in the outer world where we find our most valuable answers and unique ideas, but within. When we practice meditation, or let our minds rest in effortless wandering, for example while sitting on the bus or taking a shower, we are suddenly given the very answers that we seek.

Our ”inside” is nothing like an empty dull well, but rather like a flourishing garden where we can find our greatest treasures. Our innermost reality has understandably been likened to a Kingdom, as portrayed in the Gospel of Luke: ”Now when He was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, He answered them and said, “The kingdom of God does not come with observation; nor will they say, [See here!’ or ‘See there!’ For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.” (Luke 17:20-21, New Testament)

Moreover, Emmet Fox, one of the most popular New Thought Leaders of the early 20th century in the US, wrote: ”It is being still to know that God is God. Such ’stillness’ is the reverse of laziness or inaction. The still dwelling upon God is the quietest but the most potent action of all.” (Source) In other words, the practice of stillness need not be a passive act, but can be a continuous adventure of exploring your ever-unfolding unknown. Regardless of what you may be expecting, being still and going within can lead you to the very answers that you have been seeking, and to the peace of mind and heart that you have been longing for. At least, it will be a journey worthwile taking.

In the image (above), I share my own definition of ”meditation”. To me, it is ”the practice of consciously re-turning to our innermost place of being the still, silent and serene Observer, where we are able to rest peacefully in the Here and Now and embody our innate capacity for non-judgment, non-reactivity and awareness of eternal unity.” Yes, lots of words, but hopefully something worth contemplating…

For more inspiration, see this article ”The Outer Guard Position vs The Inner Soul Center”.

PS. This article was first written as a ”newsletter”, which was sent out in November, 2021.

Coaching on to the Spiritual and Existential

If you wish to talk about existential and/or spiritual aspects of human life, or if you are facing a personal existential challenge or crisis in your own life, warm welcome to contact me. (Read more here.)

Have you ever wondered why there is so much pain and suffering in the world? Could there be a higher purpose behind human suffering? Why do some people seem to have more pain and suffering in their lives than others? Is human suffering mostly the result of ”bad luck”? Or can it be due to a combination of different factors, where some are influenceable and others not. Could we avoid part of our suffering, or are we, at some higher level, ”predestined” to suffer at certain points in our life?

Over the last years, I have reflected deeply on the topic of pain and suffering, and how we can endure, heal, learn, and raise ourselves beyond them. My reflections are based on my own experiences, and on the challenges shared by clients in my coaching practice, as well as on lessons drawn from books and individual stories found online.

Recently, I have come to some preliminary conclusions. I believe that there are essentially three universal purposes behind our human suffering. The first purpose relates to the personal level, the second to the social, and the third to the divine or universal level. Here is an attempt to describe these three possible purposes of human suffering common to all people:

1. Suffering as a path to personal growth

On a personal level, suffering seems to lead us on a personal journey towards greater self-understanding, self-compassion, humility, and gratitude in life. When we endure a period of great suffering (such as a serious illness, accident, or emotional trauma), we begin to question our present priorities, values, and how we have lived our life up till that point. We may start searching for answers about the deeper purpose of life, beyond material abundance, career success, social image, or other outer achievements. Some people may find the answers in ancient wisdom, a religious teaching, or a spiritual community. Some also begin a meditation or yoga practice. Regardless, most people eventually choose to turn within to find their own personal answers, leading to new insights, strength and hope.

In other words, as we embark on an inner journey to understand and heal our situation, we often begin to experience life through new eyes. Things that felt plain and ordinary suddenly feel precious and important. Also, we stop taking things for granted and begin to feel greater humility, patience, gratitude, and joy in life. Similar fruits of our suffering are greater inner strength, wisdom, understanding and insight. Finding meaning in our suffering can be the difference between giving up OR surviving and reaping the gifts in disguise (as Viktor Frankl shares below). The following quotes reflect some of these ideas:

• “Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise.” (Ram Dass)
• “No one escapes pain, fear and suffering. Yet from pain can come wisdom, from fear can come courage, from suffering can come strength – if we have the virtue of resilience.” (Eric Greitens)
• “When I planted my pain in the field of patience, it bore fruit of happiness”. (Khalil Gibra)
• “It is here that we encounter the central theme of existentialism: to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering.” (Viktor E. Frankl)
• “We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.” (Marcel Proust)

2. Suffering as a doorway to greater service to others

On a social level, suffering can become a doorway to developing and expressing greater compassion for other people, as well as a desire to be of service to others. Often, persons who have experienced great adversity in life, such as a life-threatening disease, a serious accident, or the loss of a loved one, suddenly feel a strong urge to help others who are faced with a similar situation. Following upon their painful experience, they may choose to quit their jobs, embark on a new education, start a new job, or build a private business with a strong mission. By learning from our suffering and sharing our experiences and lessons with others, we can transform our pain into a gift to those who experience a similar situation as we have.

3. Suffering – becoming a channel for Unconditional Love

After a prolonged period of suffering with little hope or help from the outside world, many people begin to seek help and answers in alternative modalities or deeper spiritual teachings. Some may turn to alternative healing methods, such as energy healing, while others look for guidance in ancient spiritual teachings (for example Christian mysticism) or in philosophical traditions (for example Buddhism). Still others may search for new ideas in positive real stories, such as those of spontaneous healing. Near-death experiences (NDEs) can also be a valuable source of hope and inspiration, providing a refreshing and ”higher” perspective on human suffering. Still others may deepen their meditation or yoga practice and have their own mystical or uplifting experiences.

Over time, our awareness may expand to the point where we begin to connect more fully with our inner truths, our Soul (or Essence), and ultimately with God within (as a Divine Presence). At this stage, some people may grow a desire to become channels of unconditional Love and Peace for the world. Perhaps you have heard the song “Make Me a Channel of Your Peace”, which is based on a poem called the Peace Prayer of St. Francis. The poem describes beautifully the anonymous author’s yearning to become a channel for God’s unconditional love in the world – a longing that may be awakened in us too, through a prolonged period of suffering. As Victor Hugo wrote, “It is by suffering that human beings become angels.”

A woman named Kimberly Clark Sharp shares her extraordinary experience, which happened to her as a young teenager. One day, she suddenly became seriously ill, fell to the ground, and had a so-called near-death experience (NDE). In her NDE, she had a profound conversation with God, in which she received universal messages about the higher purpose of human suffering and pain. Upon asking God “Why do we want to be born?”, God answered her that Earth is perfect for us as a school, as a place to learn about giving and receiving love, as well as about hard knocks, pain, and suffering. “But why is there pain and suffering?”, she asked. She was answered: “That is the way to Spirit”. She was told, that sadly, we do not turn to God or prayer, and we do not look outside of ourselves, except under stress (or great adversity). But, as she understood, that was all perfect in the mind of God. In my interpretation, this message would imply that there is in fact a divine or higher purpose behind our suffering, and that – in essence – suffering leads us to a remembrance and reconnection with God (or the Divine within).

Some final words…

Fortunately, with some dedicated inner work, meditative practice, social support, and personal guidance (by a spiritual mentor, coach, therapist, healing practitioner or wise soul), our suffering can be greatly reduced and far more bearable. Ultimately, we can begin to harness its precious fruits, for the benefit of our own development, the life quality of others, and humanity as a whole.

Lastly, some wise words of encouragement:

• “Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place.” (Lance Armstrong)
• “One word frees us from all the weight and pain of life, and that word is Love.” (Sophocles)
• “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” (Rumi)

The beautiful quote by Julian of Norwich’s in ”Revelations of Divine Love” also gives great encouragement in times of pain and suffering (see image).

If you are experiencing a period of pain and suffering, please do not hesitate to reach out to somebody, for example a friend or a family member. And I will be here for you too whenever you are in need.

Also, if you wish to subscribe to my newsletters, please send me an email or fill in the subscription form here.

Warm blessings,
Anna

The following is an excerpt of Bill’s near-death experience as shared in the film:

As the doctors were operating on his heart, his soul suddenly lifted out of his body and he found himself in India, standing at the foot of a mountain. He began walking up the hill (while still aware of his body undergoing operation). At the top of the mountain, he met with several ascended masters, including his guru (Yogiraj Gurunath). In that moment, he felt profound peace and a feeling of being at home. All of a sudden, a blaze of a shining bright light emerged in the sky and the most soft angelic voice came out of it. The voice said: “Bill, give up your heart, let it go, you’ve done enough, you don’t owe anybody anything, you don’t need any more pain and suffering, I am going to give you bliss, love, joy, and never-ending peace. No more pain. Just give up your heart.” Bill replied: “So be, that is really good”. But then he heard his guru’s voice saying: “Bill, don’t give up your heart. You can skip a few beets but don’t give up heart.” But why? asked Bill. The guru answered:

’Cause I have got more pain and suffering for you… I am going to give you more pain than you’ve ever had. Because before when you had pain, you would bliss out and the pain would be taken care of. You didn’t have to suffer through pain. But now I want you to suffer real pain, so you can tell other people how to handle their real physical pain. (Gurunath)

Then, behind him in the sky, Bill saw an ocean of faces, of people who would need him in some way in life, including those who needed to hear things that he would say or write, or just receiving his hug or smile… Then all of a sudden, his body jumped intensively up and down, and he found himself back on the operating table again. The doctors had jump-started his heart. He was now in severe physical pain again, and with many other health conditions to face ahead…

Over the coming days of recovery in the hopsital, every time that Bill closed his eyes, he found himself (as his awareness) back in India on the mountain top, experiencing bliss and peace, but also hearing his guru encouraging him to continue (“Don’t give up heart, you can skip a few beats”.) Finally, after several days in the hospital, he came to a point where he couldn’t take the pain anylonger and felt ready to give up his physical life… Then, suddenly, the phone rang by his bedside. He wasn’t allowed to answer the call at first, as he was so ill, but he persisted. As he picked up the phone, he heard the voice of his guru in India: “Bill, this is Gurunath in India. Don’t give up heart, you can skip a few beats, but don’t give up heart.” At that moment he realized, that all that had happened during his NDE was real. Now he felt a strong urge to get out of the hospital. He couldn’t be there any longer. He knew that he had to live. He couldn’t be selfish, even though he was experiencing more pain than ever before. Thirty-six hours later he left the hospital…

Bill continues by giving some important advice about meditation, the Divine, the purpose of life, and the meaning of suffering:

“Go into meditation with the desire to love God… Don’t go into meditation to get something… or to think God is Santa Claus…Go into meditation to say: this is my time to love the Divine.” Also, when your soul passes over (to the other side), the only thing that will be important is who you loved, and who you loved secretly and send prayers to from afar (including your ’enemy’). He also mentions the Prayer of St Francis, which he says reveals the essence of why we are here on Earth. Bill reminds us further:

Be like a child. Learn to love what you do. Love where you are at, where you live, who you are with. Love and grow… That is why we are here [on Earth].

And, when Bill prays, he talks to God saying:

Give me the strength, the wisdom, the knowledge. Just give me the tools I need to do my work.

Bill also tells that we should help the other guy (another person) that is ’below us’, as he is looking up to us. ”So, reach down to help others, and reach up for higher [support].” Moreover, instead of moaning and groaning about life and work, we can wake up every morning and say: “I want to serve. Put me where I need to be. That is the Universe that is lining everything up. That is about love, and amazing grace…”

In his final message to us, he says:

Believe in miracles… All miracles are just a thought away… I think we need to channel everything into love. It only takes a very small amount of people to change the world. Those that believe, will make it happen… There is a power being put forth now by many people, some are sitting in caves unknown to us.., that are helping to elevate this planet that we live on, by virtue of their love that they show through meditation and their prayers; just by their existence they are doing more than many scientists… Small miracles lead to bigger miracles… Start with peace and love in your heart. There is the ultimate cavern of love and sacredness. And if you carry the love out there, and pass it onto anybody that day, you have made the world a better place. (Rev. Bill McDonald)

In summary, as Bill learned through his third NDE, it is not enough simply to endure, heal and learn from our own pain and suffering. We also need to share our lessons with the world, by teaching others how to manage and handle their suffering of a similar kind. By sharing our story and insights with the world, we contribute to transform and elevate humanity to higher planes. In the end, it is all about giving and receiving unconditional love.

To see the whole film, please visit Anothony Chene’s website or his Youtube page. And to learn more about Rev. Bill McDonald, please visit his website.

The OUTER layer of the sphere is where our EGO resides. When we are inside this outer layer, we operate from our Ego-mind. We are like a Point of Awareness that is temporarily located in the outskirts of our own Consciousness. Our Ego-mind functions like a self-proclaimed Guard, guarding its own interests and the survival of the body/flesh against any perceived potential threat in our surroundings.

In this Guard position, we are constantly watching, assessing, judging, and controlling what is coming IN to our sphere, and what is going OUT from our sphere. Therefore, we carefully observe what is going on around us and what we need to protect ourselves from. Unknowingly, we can also let things pass through the guard gates and affect us in different ways (eg supporting our selfish interests or confirming our fears and beliefs). Here, we also try to control what we express outwardly (as going OUT from the sphere). So, in the Guard position, we constantly attempt to look out for and control what is being exchanged with our surroundings. Because it’s based in fear, the guard position can be a dark and lonely place.

Meanwhile, the very core of our sphere is where our SOUL resides. Here, we are RESTING in total Stillness; we are ONE with our Soul – our pure Essence – being Unconditional Love, Truth, and Freedom. But, because we ARE Consciousness, we can MOVE our point of awareness between the outer layer (our Guard position) and the inner Core of our Being (our Soul). So, when we feel fear, anger, shame, sadness, etc, we can CHOOSE to MOVE away from that Outer layer and back into the Core of our Being.

In sum, in the Guard position, we are like an atom inside a dark cloud and the only thing we see is the cloud. We have forgotten that the cloud is actually existing within a vast blue sky, and that we can, if we wish, choose to move back to our center… to the warm, ever radiating, Sun, which is made of Unconditional Love.

This is the true story of Arion Light, an Australian man who tragically lost is wife to cancer about 10 years ago. Recently, Arion shared his deeply moving story before a large audience at the online Embodiment Conference (14 – 25th October 2020). Below is Arion’s personal account as shared at the conference (here carefully transcribed by me):

“[About] ten years ago my life came crumbling down. My beloved wife and mother to our 18 months old boy got diagnosed with cancer. And all my lovely little spiritual paradigms and my world came crumbling down and she was terminal. And I went into this space where I felt broken and I felt betrayed by life… Those of you who have been through hard times, know that the ideas and the concepts that we have, and we think we have worked something out in life; they can fall apart. That is what happened for me. I became really resentful of life, really hard and then really guilty about how [I felt]. I was going through all the motions caring for her, caring for our young boy, trying to take care of everyone and do everything I was meant to do. But I was frozen inside and furious. Actually, which I didn’t even know at the time, but I felt so betrayed. I bought into that spiritual principle of, if you just do your meditations and say your affirmations, your life will work out. And I was even teaching people that, and I thought I had some sort of handle on life. And then ‘real life’ came and got me. So that was in many ways the hardest time in my life. There was about six months of that, and it just got harder. And people could say, ‘Aaron you’re doing so well’, and I would smile and go ‘Yes’, but underneath I was just frozen inside.

Then after about six months, I got to this point where I actually couldn’t cope anymore. I remember sitting on the couch… [It was the day’s end] at 10:30 at night. I was sitting on the couch and I just started to cry. And my wife was in one room. She was sick with the cough, and my boy was sick in another room, and I had been going between NCIS [a television show] and caring for both of them for hours. And finally, there was this moment, sometime close to midnight, where they had both gone silent and the house was still, and the tears started to fall. And I remember literally slipping off the couch and falling on the floor and just sobbing, and this incredible feeling of failure came up. This feeling like ‘I can’t do it’. You know, ‘I can’t be this man that I meant to be. I can’t look after my wife. I feel like I’m failing her.’ She’s going through, you know, facing her own death and facing not being able to be a mother to her son. And here I am frozen and angry and just going through the motions and here is my boy trying to make sense of what was going on. And again, just parenting like a robot. And the guilt and the shame were so intense, and I just sobbed and broke, really remember saying ‘I can’t do this. I can’t do this.’ I didn’t know what any other option I had, but I just felt like I broke [inside].

And in that breaking somewhere on that floor, in that puddle I was on the floor, when I’d finally stopped trying to be the man I thought I should be. There was something else there. This presence, this depth of love, that came and held me. And I remember it like it was yesterday. Just this sense of Love rising up, and going, ‘I’ve got you’. And this feeling of ‘I don’t deserve this. Look at the horrible husband I’m being. Look at the pathetic dad I am being. Look, I’m so full of anger and hatred of myself.’ And the Love just rose and said ‘I’ve got you. It’s okay.’ And I just laid with it and got the first bit of rest bite that I’d had since we’ve got the news. And then, the next night it happened again, and the Love rose and held me, and I just cracked into it like an ocean and just got held there. I felt like I was being rocked by this deep love. I had known love as something more spiritual before, like something that I would experience out beyond me. I would open into the Divine Love.

But this was like Love rising through my flesh and my bones and that most ugly human bits of me. It was just saying ‘I love you. I’ve got you’.

I went through this process every night for about a week, where I would just fall into its arms of Love, and this really beautiful thing would happen where I would argue with it. It’s like, I would tell it where I wasn’t worthy of love. ‘Look how I haven’t been able to do this. I haven’t been able to do that and failing here.’ And if you’ve ever tried to argue with unconditional Love, it’s hard to win because it just goes, ‘I see you. I love you’. So after about a week, I just broke and this Love just washed through me. This oceanic love that was bigger than all my pain and all of my failures, everything. It just held me.

I remember waking up the next morning and just going: ‘Oh my god, I can, I can do this.’ And I just had this new vigor of life to meet my wife and my son. And then this miracle happened, which is really the source of this work [called Warrior Rythm] and why I’m telling this story. It’s that in the months leading up to her passing, this Love wasn’t just something that consoled me. It wasn’t just a Love like I had understood Love to be, which was like a sort of passive ‘I love you’ sort of thing.

But it became a living current in my body. And after breaking into its arms, it would start to flow through me like a river. And I noticed it flow through and move into action, and it would literally love my wife in ways that I couldn’t. That ‘me’, the personality, had fail that. And here, Love was moving and holding me in her arms, while she shared the deepest vulnerabilities of our heart. And there was me meeting my son and holding him as he was trying to make sense. And all of a sudden, I was living my life way better than I’d ever been able to.

And I was in that sort of cracking that I had to make my life work. You know, I’ve been like most of us being in that notion that I need to be the best person I can be and I need to try harder and do my affirmations and align my chakras and heal my mommy and daddy issues and you know, being more Zen and being more Yin or be more Yang. You know, I had all these different things that I was meant to do, to try and be, the person that I was meant to be. And yet here I was, broken, failed, and yet life was moving through me and living my life better than I ever could have.

I actually remember the day she passed, I was very blessed in such a horrific time, that was full of love. We had called the whole lot of friends together and they had been singing songs. She had been in a coma for a couple of days and I woke up about 5:30 in the morning. I was sleeping in her room next to her bed. And I just went over and went behind her and just held her in my arms, and just felt this Love pouring through me and through her. And another whole story is the way she had opened to Love in that time of death as well, in her last week. She would share that she has found the Love that cannot die. And so we were both in this incredible state of love as my heart and her heart was breaking again and again.

So in this morning, just as the kookaburras, which are amazing birds… their birdsong is like a laugh. Just as the first kookaburra started laughing in the morning, she passed away in my arms. And there was this incredible rush of love and beauty as my heart broke and the tears fell, and you know I was shattered. But this Love… I was in awe that here I was in… the worst thing that could ever happen to me. And here I was, more in love and more myself than I’d ever been. And it really made me realize that this sort of striving that I have been trying to do wasn’t working. It was more effort on the top of actually the truth of what I was, which call it Love, Spirit or Soul, but I’ll stay with Love today. That true nature of Love that had revealed itself. That wasn’t just a passive ‘Aahhh’, angelic spiritual thing. It was a f-cking, excuse the language, wild current.

In the years after that, through the grief and the 10 years since then, I have become a student of that Love. I have bowed to that Love and it has shown me how to be that Love. And then… I have started to teach other people and train… [In the past,] I’ve ran coaching programs and things beforehand, but they were much more about using techniques to try and become a better person. But as this Love ravished me and showed me that I was Love and that you are loved and that we are Love. This whole part of me trying so hard to make my life work just got in the jacuzzi, in the back of the bus, and just chilled out. And this Love learned to be the driver in my life and more and more of me learned to surrender to it. And then I began to work with other people and realize that this wasn’t just something for me, but that this was actually my life’s work, to help me and anyone else who is up for it to become that flow of Love, both for ourselves [and others]…

So, in any moment, we can bring in that flow. But even more miraculously, we can tap into that Love through our bodies, so it can become a living fire and create through us.

You know my passion, my tagline, the heart of my work, is ‘Love in action’… We can connect to that love and then bring it through. And so that’s what the ‘Warrior Rhythm’ is about, to teach you about this power that we have, to tap Love and let Love be that force that creates our life. And I have helped thousands of people now in yearlong programs and three months programs to become ‘Love in action’. And I’ve taken it from an experience and a possibility to a trainable method so that we can learn how to crack open to the Love. We can learn how to awaken it through our bodies. We can learn how to let it allow flow into action.”

Today, Arion Light works with clients, individually and in group, to help them connect with and awaken that Love in their own bodies and let it move them into action. This is his deepest passion, to inspire and awaken “love in action” in people around the world. Arion is founder of ‘Warriors of Love’, a year-long embodiment training program, as well as the creator of the ‘Warrior Rhythm’, an integral four-phase modality that unites spirituality, embodiment, action, and shadow work. For over a decade, he has worked with tens of thousands of people on how to align their soul, body, and action in everyday life. In addition, he is the author of many books and online programs and has ran hundreds of retreats and workshops.

For more about Arion Light’s work, see: https://www.warrior-rising.com/warrior-apprenticeship.

Note: The manuscript was fully read and approved by Arion Light before its publication.

Photos from Unsplash:
Top photo (man by lake) by Aaron Burden; second photo (sofa) by Jorge Moncayo; third photo (woman) by Oliver Pacas; last photo (man in sunset) by Zac Durant.

At the conference, Gabor Maté shares with humour what happened to him about two years ago when leading a retreat in the Peruvian Amazon. The retreat was organized to support the healing and transformation of any participant who joined. This particular retreat had attracted 23 persons – all working with different healing modalities for trauma, illnesses, and other health issues. The retreat was facilitated by six master Shipibo healers (Shamans) from the Peruvian Amazon.

The following sections in italics are transcriptions from the interview, in which Gabor shares his fascinating experience from the retreat:

“I’ve been working for over 10 years now with a plant called Ayahuasca, not as a Shaman – I’m not anywhere close to that – but facilitating workshops. So, I traveled to Peru, two years ago now in July… I was going to lead a retreat at a place called the “Temple of the Way of Light” with native Shipibo Onanya as Amazonian Peruvian healers. About 23 people (therapists, psychiatrists, and physicians) had paid big bucks to come and do this retreat, where I was going to facilitate it. And six Shamans were going to do the ceremonies. The shamans did a ceremony with me and everybody else, and they said to me the next morning:

 – Buddy, we can’t have you in the ceremony, because you’ve got so much trauma and so much stress filled up in you that you’re poisoning everybody else here. And so, we can’t help them when you are present, because your energy is going to affect them. (The Shamans)

And they said, furthermore:

 – You can’t even work with them during the day (the ceremonies take place at night) because even during the day, the same thing is going to happen. And not only that, you’re absorbing all their trauma and all their energies. (The Shamans)

And so they said [to Gabor]:

– You’re fired. (The Shamans)

So, they fired me from my own retreat! These guys didn’t know anything about me. They had no idea who I was, and all these books I have written, and that I knew all these healers, and where I have been, and what I have done. They just knew that here was this medical gringo who was all stressed and hadn’t taken care of himself. So they assigned one Shaman to work with me for the next five ceremonies and the other five shamans worked with the other 23 participants.— [So], in one night they picked up what it would have taken, I don’t know how many psychiatrists, how many dozens of years to figure out, and they said to me:

– You had a big scare when you were very young (and they knew nothing about my history) and you are still carrying it. (The Shamans)

They also said about the whole group (the psychiatrists, therapists, and physicians):

– When we deal with other people’s trauma, we clear it out. We Shamanically clear it out. We take care of ourselves. We’ve never seen such a stressed group as this group of healers, because you people don’t take care of yourself! (The Shamans)

These Shamans with their indigenous wisdom picked up all that and they did powerful work on all of us in six days.

In short, this experience made Gabor realize that Western medicine (in general) only pays attention to the physical part, largely ignores the emotional part, barley acknowledges the spiritual part, and knows nothing about the energetic part. Yet, the entire Unity of all these dimensions is embodied by the Shamans in their healing practices. Gabor thus came to realize that we need to work with the whole system of the human being, that is, the emotional, spiritual, energetic, and physical aspects. Also, it is about building integrity within, as an individual, by regularly taking care of our own wellbeing. This is especially important for therapists, physicians, healers, and coaches. Only when we take good care of ourselves (by releasing any emotional trauma, stuck energies, etc) can we successfully support the healing of others.

In the video below, Gabor shares his experience at the retreat, and his gratitude for Shipibo Shamans who enabled his deep healing process:

Photos (including featured photo) from the website Retreat.guru (on the Temple of the Way of Light)

Could you remain calm despite having your full head inside a lion’s mouth, while feeling its teeth around your neck, and knowing that you are completely powerless? Could you feel safe while sitting alone in a cave and feeling the full weight of a lion’s body on yours with no means to defend yourself or escape the situation?

Yes, for Fred Donaldson, this was in fact possible! Fred shares his remarkable experiences and lessons in a fascinating interview, ”There’s Nothing to be Afraid of”, at the Embodiment Conference (aired between October 14-25, 2020).

During his last 40 years, Fred Donaldson has spent most of his time interacting with, playing with, and learning from wild animals (including lions, tigers, grizzly bears and wolves) and children of different cultures (including street kids in Mexico). All this time, he has been driven by a deep curiosity and fascination of the way children and animal play and communicate. What he discovered was a universal, inherent, intuitive, and non-verbal form of communication, which was enabled by a natural ability to rest in the present moment. Yet, this form of communication seems to weaken as we grow up and become rational adults of the modern world.

Yet, over time, Fred learned that it is actually possible to re-learn how to feel present, grounded, and safe – even in extreme situations of apparent danger. For example, he was able to stay calm and present even as he came close up with a wild grizzly bear (who put its enormous head against Fred’s, rested his paw on his shoulder, and pushed him to fall on the ground). Or when he walked into a classroom to bring out a young boy (who was holding a knife), by turning his back towards the boy and silently inviting him to jump up onto his back, so that they could both walk out safely and disarm the situation.

Through his unique experiences, Fred also realized that, “the more connected you are [to the situation, to others, and to the mystery of life], the safer you are. And the safer you are, the safer the other person is.” He also learned to “give 100% of love and receive whatever comes.” In other words, to give love unconditionally without demanding or expecting anything in return. Also, he learned what it means to focus on the now (no future and no past) and to trust the present moment to 100%.

Also, by interacting with children and wild animals, Fred recognized what he calls “a mystery of life” as well as an inherent goodness in all life forms:

“[It felt as if God, the children, and all animals had come together to] show me that my view of the world is way too small… and [to] give me situations in which I have no taught skill to handle. And yet I [discovered that I had] come with the skill! And I have no idea where it comes from. And to feel comfortable, to feel at ease with that mystery and the beauty of that life. It is just an amazing experience… I call it a coherence among life, that when it’s there, it’s communicated. And you know, not just young people, but among all life forms. Hm, that is safety. That’s what it means to have nothing to be afraid of.”

“And the reality is, in all the years of doing this, the kids and animals have been incredibly kind to me. They can be very severe and very strict when I make mistakes. But there’s no blame. There’s no fault. There’s no revenge and they show me a kind of love that is just so powerful and so real. It’s tangible, you can actually feel it like you’re embraced in it. That’s amazing. It just surrounds you.” — “I become this, as my language. Not meant to be a word that everyone has to use, but I become a ‘face of God’ and I play with ‘the face of God’. I’m not playing with a grizzly or a lion or a child with autism or a gang member. I’m playing with the face of God. And it’s the face of God presence. That’s the magic…. That’s where safety is. And it’s nothing to be afraid of.” (Fred Donaldson, Embodiment Conference, 2020)

In other words, when Fred recognized the face of God in the other person (or in the wild animal), he realized that there was nothing to be afraid of, nothing to fear. There was only love – a powerful and tangible love. He could rest in this full embrace, knowing he was completely safe.

Fred also emphasizes the value of dropping our self-defense and our identifications or roles:

“I’ve learned over all these years that self-defense… I don’t want to [do that]. It’s not about defending myself ever… Love is a much stronger force or energy than fear. So… I call it self-disappearance, so that the categories that might be visible or felt by someone else, that makes them afraid, disappear. I don’t appear as a human or a white guy or therapist or any of those other categories that allow us to get hurt. And that was 100% taught to me by kids and animals without talking.” – “We can choose to play and die, rather than live and not play. It is about playing fully, not waiting. This is it!” — “And that’s what it is, every time, every child, every animal, every human. When we play, it is God’s gift to each of us, that we give back and forth.” (Fred Donaldson, Embodiment Conference, 2020)

How can we live in this state of total trust and surrendering? Fred shares some valuable everyday practices:

You can start by “feeling the beauty every day. Find something. If you don’t touch it with your hand, touch it with your eyes. Feel the beauty in us, in the world around us, in the rain, where you are. And, in that feeling, in the simple feeling of beauty, there is love.”—“Touch the world around you.” —” Just touching it makes us connected.”— “Think of touching an infant, think of touching a butterfly… What does it feel like for the butterfly to touch you? That is the skill you need.” — So, ”Don’t grab the world, embrace it.” (Fred Donaldson, Embodiment Conference, 2020)

To create mutual trust and safety in our interactions with other people (and animals), the lessons of Fred may be summarized in the following bullets:

1. Be silent initially as you approach another person (or animal), as opposed to using words.
2. Be grounded in your body and become aware of the body language, both yours and the others.
3. Trust your body’s intelligence, as opposed to trusting your brain and rational mind.
4. Lower your guard using your body posture and movements, so as to not give a threatening impression, which would be sensed by the other.
5. Express trust in the other person with your body language, as opposed to showing fear and distrust.
6. Sense the other person energetically, by tuning in to the other person’s energy.
7. Feel the other person emotionally, while choosing to feel only love in return.
8. Trust the inherent good will and innocence of the other person.
9. Feel and express only unconditional love for the other person.
10. Have clarity of mind, by knowing your intentions and being clear about your actions. (When we feel clarity, there is less confusion and fear in the other person.)

For more information about Fred Donaldson’s work, see: International Foundation for Original Play. Photo by Florian Berger (Unsplash.com).