Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

The passage is found in the New Testament in Matthew (7:7, NIV). For many people, these words are merely a beautiful text with little or no meaning on a personal level. Perhaps its promise may not even seem realistic, especially if we lack a spiritual or religious life. Even with a belief in a Higher Power, the message may still seem too good to be true. Yet, during the last years of my own life, this passage has been transformed from a distant possibility to an actual reality.

Using “asking” in real life

In my interpretation today, I believe the “asking” is not primarily meant to be a wishing for good or better things. Rather, it would refer to ”a yearning for a change of mind and heart”. It may be a need to understand a complex situation; or for guidance on how to act in a difficult situation, or how to relate to another person; or a desire for another emotional state, such as more harmony or courage.

When a difficult situation arises in my life, my natural tendency has always been to call a friend or talk with a parent to ventilate and ask for advice. As an adult, I will also turn to my husband to share my thoughts and feelings, and perhaps receive comfort in a long hug. Over the last years, however, when a challenge comes up, I have begun to also turn within (to God*) for guidance. In many ways, this practice is not farfetched for me, as I do believe in God’s existence and have a sincere interest in spirituality. Yet, before my very first experience of asking God and actually receiving an answer, I didn’t know if it would be possible. Today, having received clear and relevant answers on at least a handful of occasions, I know through personal experience that it is indeed possible for any person. (*Note: Instead of using the word God, you may refer to a “Higher power”, “Source”, “Spirit”, “Higher Self”, “Soul”, “Your body’s inner wisdom”, or similar.)

When asking, the question may concern anything that feels important in that moment. For me, the answer may come as one or more words or as an inner image. There is no sound in the head but the words and images come telepathically, either as written words or scenes. More than often, and to my astonishment, the same message will come again several times over the following days or weeks, by other means. For example, I might be reading a text and the same words that were received within are seen written on the page. Or I might be listening to an audio or watching a video, and the same answer is emphasized by the person speaking. I am amazed by the confirmation every time. It gives me assurance that I should take the message ’to heart’ and act upon it with trust.

Note: We are the most receptive to an answer when we are most desparate for help. We need to be fully open to whatever is given and eagerly yearning for an answer, not just asking out of curiousity. You could say that your heart must be open and yearning so that the door (to God/Higher Wisdom) will be opened for you.

The Process of Asking

The process of asking is really quite simple. Practically, I will be lying down on my bed, either in the evening at bedtime, in the morning after waking up, or in the daytime when I feel a pressing need to go within for an answer. I begin by closing my eyes and setting an intention to turn inward with an open, curious, and humble mind. I then anchor myself with a simple reminder that “I do not know what do think/feel/do” (depending on what I feel). I then wait patiently for any word or image to arise in my mind. The answers astonish me each time; they are crystal clear in terms of the wordings and meaning for my personal situation. Also, they are perfectly relevant and to the point for my particular question.

When asking, it is important to be open to whatever answers may come. If we hold judgment, disbelief, or any other form of resistance, we will block ourselves from hearing or seeing an answer. At the same time, we need to have some level of discernment in order to rely on the source of the answer and to trust in the message. If the message is coming from your own egoic mind (or personality), it tends to be based either in fear or primarily selfish concerns. In contrast, if the answer is truly coming from a higher source of wisdom, you feel the quality of benevolence in the answer, and you may be surprised by its wisdom and simplicity. A thought like this may come: ”Of course, why didn’t I think of that!”. When we are able to intuitively trust in the source, we will know that the message is of the highest good for both ourselves and everyone concerned.

At the same time, we always have free will to decide whether to believe in and act upon the answer, or to ignore it and dismiss it. No matter what their character, we have the opportunity to learn from our choices and actions.

A message: Wait, Believe and Focus

Some time ago, I was faced with a difficult situation and was struggling with a sense of confusion and lack of direction. At one point, I realized that I needed to ask God for guidance, as I couldn’t find the answers within my intellectual mind nor in other people’s advice. The situation was too complex to understand with my intellect, and because I didn’t know how to relate to it emotionally, I couldn’t find any peace inside.

So, I decided to go within. I closed my eyes and formulated my central question as truthfully and concisely as possible. Then, I directed my attention forward as if focusing on a central point in front of me in the blurr scene of my inner vision. I rested in a trust that the question will be heard (by God) and that – if I wait patiently long enough – an answer will emerge. The question was: “How can I relate to this situation?”

Within a few minutes or less, a word arose in my mind: “WAIT” (as “vänta” in Swedish). I gratefully savored the word, including its significance and implications, which came almost instantaneously along with the word. For me, the message meant that I needed to wait for the underlying process to unfold at its own pace, and I needed to have patience and to trust in the natural progression of events (yet playing my part as well as I could).

After some seconds’ pause, I asked again: “Is there anything more?”. I waited in silence and soon another word appeared before my inner vision: “BELIEVE” (as ”tro” in Swedish). Ahh, yes, I instantly knew its meaning for me: I needed to believe that Goodness/Love is strongest and will conquer anything, that God is in charge as the Highest Power, and that there is a purpose for everything, which is beyond my present understanding and control.

A third time I asked: “Is there anything more?” Now, an image appeared of a certain person with light and love coming out of his/her body as beaming radiance. The understanding that was given with the image was that I needed to focus on the light (or good and pure) in him/her, through loving eyes. Of course, it made so much sense…

After a moment’s pondering on each answer, I thanked God whole-heartedly for the three-part message. It had given me both calm and direction. Now, I knew how to relate to the situation with greater clarity and peace. By trusting in the message, I was able to shift my mental approach to the situation and adjust my behavior in a more constructive way. I knew that I now would be able to support the situation’s natural unfolding for the highest outcome to all involved.

In this way, I was part of a greater positive process. I was neither powerless, nor a victim, nor fully in charge either. The situation was not about me, but about the evolution of all souls/people involved. My part was simply to wait, believe, and focus on the light/love in the other person. (Fascinatingly, this message was confirmed by external messages as shown in the photos below.) Only a few days after the original message to wait, believe and focus, the importance of waiting was given again in the subway as I looked up from my phone and through the window.

Only a few days after the original message ”to wait, believe and focus”, this message was given again inside the subway train; when I looked up from my phone and through the window, I see these words: ”Good things come to those who wait”. Some days later, yet another confirmation was given on my way home, again on the subway wall: ”Waiting for a miracle”. (See the two photos below)

Today, in hindsight, I can say that the perfect answer was truly given. I had knocked and the door was indeed opened, as if lifting a veil to another dimension where truth and wisdom are ever present. By asking with sincerity, I had been supported in recognizing the most beneficial perspective, attitude, and action to move forward.In the future, I will continue to ask God for guidance whenever I am faced with a difficult situation and feel confused or uncertain.

With a pure intention, an open mind and a humble heart, we can all receive answers to the questions we hold. If we only knock with sincerity and wait with patience, the door will be opened and the message presented clearly. And if we can intuitively discern and trust in the source, we will receive and know our wisest and most loving path forward. Perhaps next time, you may wish to try (if you haven’t already)? If so, would love to hear your experiences. ♡

Warm blessings,
Anna

We are all born with the basic need to feel seen, heard, appreciated and loved. Also, to varying degrees, we all need someone to share our thoughts, feelings, activities and wordly things with. Sharing our feelings with another person is of particular importance, may it be pleasurable ones of joy and love, or painful ones of worry and sadness, or just modest feelings of everyday character.

As children, we naturally turn to our parents for expressing our feelings and sharing our daily experiences, and to receive confirmation, appreciation, compassion, love, or support in return. Yet, most parents (naturally) tend to have lots on their mind and are not always able to be fully present with the child (mentally, emotionally and/or physically). Although some people may be highly skilled listeners, most parents are now and then unable to find the time, energy, and peace of mind to devote their full attention to the child. Most, if not all children, have experienced moments when they sought a parent’s presence yet sensed his/her absence to some degree. In those moments, the parent may not have been conscious about his/her absent-mindedness, or was at least not neglectful on purpose. If loving and undevoted attention is given on a general basis, an occasional neglect hardly has a lasting impact on the child’s well-being and development. Yet, repeated or long-term neglect (or ”conditioned” attention on the parent’s terms) can make the child draw false conclusions about his/her self-worth and the risks of self-expression.

Forming beliefs for emotional protection

If a child experiences mental and emotional absence of a parent on a repeated or consistent basis, the child will eventually draw conclusions (unknowingly) about his/her self-worth. Over time, the child may develop a belief that ”it is not okay or safe to share my thoughts and feelings with another person, because if I do, I may get hurt.” This subconscious belief can also be summarized as:

“If I share my thoughts or feelings with another person, I will be [ignored, misunderstood, unseen or unheard] and then I will feel [unloved, unimportant or lonely], which could mean that I am unworthy of attention, appreciation, and loving presence.” (Note: Choose the approriate words in the brackets.)

It was never about you and your worthiness

In my coaching practice, I often hear about clients’ experiences of having been neglected, inadequately attended, or given only conditioned attention, either by one or both parents, and how this has affected them in painful ways.

If you are familiar with this pattern from your own life, it is important that you seek to find the real reasons WHY your parent was unable to give his/her full attention and unconditional presence to you as a child (whether it occurred at certain times or regularly). When we understand the actual underlying reasons, we will realize that the neglect was never about us or our worth. Instead, it will become clear that it was always and only about the parent’s limited capacity or ability to give undivided attention and loving presence in each moment. In the second that we recognize this truth, we will be able to let go of the false belief that the lack of attention and loving presence was because of our limited worthiness. The words that the client receive during the healing process from the parent (as silent words) are always: ”I didn’t know better”, ”I couldn’t do better”, or ”I didn’t dare more”, or something similar.

Going deeper into the essence

How do we learn about the true cause(s) of any lacking or inadequate presence from a parent? First, we need to be willing to go within and back in time to the actual hurtful experience. Secondly, we need to find a coach or therapist that can lead us into such a deep state where we are able to re-experience those moments of interaction with the parent. Thirdly, in that ”imaginary state” (which feels fascinatingly real) we need to be willing to feel those painful emotions again, yet now even more fully. As we re-live the hurtful experience as a child in the imaginary state (yet supported by the higher understanding and courage of ourselves as adults), we also have the ability to feel into our parent’s inner state and what hindered him/her from being present with us in that moment. Then and there, we are able to receive the full truth of the situation from both perspectives (as the child and the parent). With this fuller understanding, we are able to accept the hurtful events of the past and to forgive our parent for not being fully and lovingly present with us in those moments. The inner scene that unfolds in this “therapeutic state” is one of unconditional love, peace, and a new level of freedom. After many times of guiding clients through this journey of healing and transformation, I gave it the name ”Into Essence” (as in finding the inner essence of the situation, the parent, and the child).

The 12 ”P’s” that may prevent full presence

What may hinder a parent (or any person) from being fully and unconditionally present? Over the years, I have come across a number of possible causes that may prevent a parent (or person) from being fully present with the child to receive and share the child’s thoughts and feelings. These factors can be summarized as 12 words (all beginning with the letter P):

1. Problem – the parent is immersed in some sort of problem, may it be practical, intellectual, relational, private or work-related.
2. Plight – the parent is prevented or preoccupied by certain plights, either for work or as household chores. Likewise, a profession may involve work-related travel, which also prevents the parent to be present with the child at certain periods or weekdays.
3. Project – the parent is focused on a project, either work-related or home-based, that needs to be finished at a certain time.
4. Profession – the parent is often obliged to attend to its professional demands and expectations. For example, work-related travel and certain deadlines may prevent parents to be present with the child at certain periods or weekdays.
5. Passion – the parent is so passionate about something in his/her personal life that it hinders full presence with the child in certain moments of need.
6. Pain – the parent is hindered by his/her own pain (physical and/or emotional).
7. Poor energy or health – the parent is unable to be fully present due to low energy (due to exhaustion or depression) or other health conditions.
8. Persona – the parent is preoccupied by a focus on his/her own personal matters and interests.
9. Privacy – the parent’s personality causes a high degree of privacy towards others, which makes him/her unable to be fully present with the child.
10. Pride – the parent is too pride (for whatever reason) to acknowledge the child and to give of his/her full and unconditional presence.
11. Poverty – the parent is unable to spend time with the child for economic reasons, perhaps after a separation and subsequent move to another town.
12. Prison – in rare cases the parent may be in prison for a certain time period and is unable to be with the child.

Most persons have experienced at least two or more of these conditions on some or many occasions in their lives (the last two factors being very rare). Yet, this may not lead to any negative consequences for our well-being and self-worth, unless it happened in a significant way or repeatedly.

It is important to remember that a child not only needs to share his/her pleasures (such as joy, enthusiasm, love, gratitude, etc), but also feelings of pain (such as sadness, upset, anger, fear, etc) with a parent. In fact, all children need to experience both “co-pleasure” and “com-passion” with some parent or caretaker in order to feel confirmed, validated and loved, which will lead to healthy levels of self-love, self-worth, and inner confidence.

The value of ”co-pleasure” and ”com-passion”

Why is the gift of presence important? If we, as children, rarely (if ever) felt welcome and encouraged to share our joy and enthusiasm with a parent, we will not feel fully confident to share our joy and enthusiasm with others as adults. Similarly, if we did not feel safe to share our pain with a parent, we will not dare to express our sorrow, hurt and similar feelings as adults. Subconsciously we may live with the belief that “No one cares about how I feel”, or “I am not worthy of care, compassion and support”. Such beliefs are most likely based solely on misunderstandings and false conclusions, based on the child’s limited understanding of life, him/herself, and of the parent. The child tends to identify negative events as the results of his/her own worthiness, mistakes, or flaws. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth. When we recognize how we might have drawn false conclusions based on our limited understanding as children, we become free from the fears and self-imposed limitations that we once created to protect ourselves from getting hurt again in a similar way.

In truth, you are always free to be and express yourself in any way that you wish (*as long as it does not cause harm to someone else by will). In fact, there are no real hinders for your free and full expression. To be able to share our true feelings with another person is not only essential for living a fulfilled life, but also a key ingredient for healing and long-term well-being. Reminding ourselves of what we loved as children is a very good start…

Warm blessings on your journey of self-discovery, growth and healing,

Anna

(PS. This article was first made as a newsletter and sent out in October 2022. If you wish to subscribe, please send an email and I will add you as newsletter subscriber.)

(Note: The list of 12 P’s was upated on August 5th, 2024.)

Have you ever wondered why there is so much pain and suffering in the world? Could there be a higher purpose behind human suffering? Why do some people seem to have more pain and suffering in their lives than others? Is human suffering mostly the result of ”bad luck”? Or can it be due to a combination of different factors, where some are influenceable and others not. Could we avoid part of our suffering, or are we, at some higher level, ”predestined” to suffer at certain points in our life?

Over the last years, I have reflected deeply on the topic of pain and suffering, and how we can endure, heal, learn, and raise ourselves beyond them. My reflections are based on my own experiences, and on the challenges shared by clients in my coaching practice, as well as on lessons drawn from books and individual stories found online.

Recently, I have come to some preliminary conclusions. I believe that there are essentially three universal purposes behind our human suffering. The first purpose relates to the personal level, the second to the social, and the third to the divine or universal level. Here is an attempt to describe these three possible purposes of human suffering common to all people:

1. Suffering as a path to personal growth

On a personal level, suffering seems to lead us on a personal journey towards greater self-understanding, self-compassion, humility, and gratitude in life. When we endure a period of great suffering (such as a serious illness, accident, or emotional trauma), we begin to question our present priorities, values, and how we have lived our life up till that point. We may start searching for answers about the deeper purpose of life, beyond material abundance, career success, social image, or other outer achievements. Some people may find the answers in ancient wisdom, a religious teaching, or a spiritual community. Some also begin a meditation or yoga practice. Regardless, most people eventually choose to turn within to find their own personal answers, leading to new insights, strength and hope.

In other words, as we embark on an inner journey to understand and heal our situation, we often begin to experience life through new eyes. Things that felt plain and ordinary suddenly feel precious and important. Also, we stop taking things for granted and begin to feel greater humility, patience, gratitude, and joy in life. Similar fruits of our suffering are greater inner strength, wisdom, understanding and insight. Finding meaning in our suffering can be the difference between giving up OR surviving and reaping the gifts in disguise (as Viktor Frankl shares below). The following quotes reflect some of these ideas:

• “Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise.” (Ram Dass)
• “No one escapes pain, fear and suffering. Yet from pain can come wisdom, from fear can come courage, from suffering can come strength – if we have the virtue of resilience.” (Eric Greitens)
• “When I planted my pain in the field of patience, it bore fruit of happiness”. (Khalil Gibra)
• “It is here that we encounter the central theme of existentialism: to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering.” (Viktor E. Frankl)
• “We are healed of a suffering only by experiencing it to the full.” (Marcel Proust)

2. Suffering as a doorway to greater service to others

On a social level, suffering can become a doorway to developing and expressing greater compassion for other people, as well as a desire to be of service to others. Often, persons who have experienced great adversity in life, such as a life-threatening disease, a serious accident, or the loss of a loved one, suddenly feel a strong urge to help others who are faced with a similar situation. Following upon their painful experience, they may choose to quit their jobs, embark on a new education, start a new job, or build a private business with a strong mission. By learning from our suffering and sharing our experiences and lessons with others, we can transform our pain into a gift to those who experience a similar situation as we have.

3. Suffering – becoming a channel for Unconditional Love

After a prolonged period of suffering with little hope or help from the outside world, many people begin to seek help and answers in alternative modalities or deeper spiritual teachings. Some may turn to alternative healing methods, such as energy healing, while others look for guidance in ancient spiritual teachings (for example Christian mysticism) or in philosophical traditions (for example Buddhism). Still others may search for new ideas in positive real stories, such as those of spontaneous healing. Near-death experiences (NDEs) can also be a valuable source of hope and inspiration, providing a refreshing and ”higher” perspective on human suffering. Still others may deepen their meditation or yoga practice and have their own mystical or uplifting experiences.

Over time, our awareness may expand to the point where we begin to connect more fully with our inner truths, our Soul (or Essence), and ultimately with God within (as a Divine Presence). At this stage, some people may grow a desire to become channels of unconditional Love and Peace for the world. Perhaps you have heard the song “Make Me a Channel of Your Peace”, which is based on a poem called the Peace Prayer of St. Francis. The poem describes beautifully the anonymous author’s yearning to become a channel for God’s unconditional love in the world – a longing that may be awakened in us too, through a prolonged period of suffering. As Victor Hugo wrote, “It is by suffering that human beings become angels.”

A woman named Kimberly Clark Sharp shares her extraordinary experience, which happened to her as a young teenager. One day, she suddenly became seriously ill, fell to the ground, and had a so-called near-death experience (NDE). In her NDE, she had a profound conversation with God, in which she received universal messages about the higher purpose of human suffering and pain. Upon asking God “Why do we want to be born?”, God answered her that Earth is perfect for us as a school, as a place to learn about giving and receiving love, as well as about hard knocks, pain, and suffering. “But why is there pain and suffering?”, she asked. She was answered: “That is the way to Spirit”. She was told, that sadly, we do not turn to God or prayer, and we do not look outside of ourselves, except under stress (or great adversity). But, as she understood, that was all perfect in the mind of God. In my interpretation, this message would imply that there is in fact a divine or higher purpose behind our suffering, and that – in essence – suffering leads us to a remembrance and reconnection with God (or the Divine within).

Some final words…

Fortunately, with some dedicated inner work, meditative practice, social support, and personal guidance (by a spiritual mentor, coach, therapist, healing practitioner or wise soul), our suffering can be greatly reduced and far more bearable. Ultimately, we can begin to harness its precious fruits, for the benefit of our own development, the life quality of others, and humanity as a whole.

Lastly, some wise words of encouragement:

• “Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place.” (Lance Armstrong)
• “One word frees us from all the weight and pain of life, and that word is Love.” (Sophocles)
• “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” (Rumi)

The beautiful quote by Julian of Norwich’s in ”Revelations of Divine Love” also gives great encouragement in times of pain and suffering (see image).

If you are experiencing a period of pain and suffering, please do not hesitate to reach out to somebody, for example a friend or a family member. And I will be here for you too whenever you are in need.

Also, if you wish to subscribe to my newsletters, please send me an email or fill in the subscription form here.

Warm blessings,
Anna