We are all born with the basic need to feel seen, heard, appreciated and loved. Also, to varying degrees, we all need someone to share our thoughts, feelings, activities and wordly things with. Sharing our feelings with another person is of particular importance, may it be pleasurable ones of joy and love, or painful ones of worry and sadness, or just modest feelings of everyday character.

As children, we naturally turn to our parents for expressing our feelings and sharing our daily experiences, and to receive confirmation, appreciation, compassion, love, or support in return. Yet, most parents (naturally) tend to have lots on their mind and are not always able to be fully present with the child (mentally, emotionally and/or physically). Although some people may be highly skilled listeners, most parents are now and then unable to find the time, energy, and peace of mind to devote their full attention to the child. Most, if not all children, have experienced moments when they sought a parent’s presence yet sensed his/her absence to some degree. In those moments, the parent may not have been conscious about his/her absent-mindedness, or was at least not neglectful on purpose. If loving and undevoted attention is given on a general basis, an occasional neglect hardly has a lasting impact on the child’s well-being and development. Yet, repeated or long-term neglect (or “conditioned” attention on the parent’s terms) can make the child draw false conclusions about his/her self-worth and the risks of self-expression.

Forming beliefs for emotional protection

If a child experiences mental and emotional absence of a parent on a repeated or consistent basis, the child will eventually draw conclusions (unknowingly) about his/her self-worth. Over time, the child may develop a belief that “it is not okay or safe to share my thoughts and feelings with another person, because if I do, I may get hurt.” This subconscious belief can also be summarized as:

“If I share my thoughts or feelings with another person, I will be [ignored, misunderstood, unseen or unheard] and then I will feel [unloved, unimportant or lonely], which could mean that I am unworthy of attention, appreciation, and loving presence.” (Note: Choose the approriate words in the brackets.)

It was never about you and your worthiness

In my coaching practice, I often hear about clients’ experiences of having been neglected, inadequately attended, or given only conditioned attention, either by one or both parents, and how this has affected them in painful ways.

If you are familiar with this pattern from your own life, it is important that you seek to find the real reasons WHY your parent was unable to give his/her full attention and unconditional presence to you as a child (whether it occurred at certain times or regularly). When we understand the actual underlying reasons, we will realize that the neglect was never about us or our worth. Instead, it will become clear that it was always and only about the parent’s limited capacity or ability to give undivided attention and loving presence in each moment. In the second that we recognize this truth, we will be able to let go of the false belief that the lack of attention and loving presence was because of our limited worthiness. The words that the client receive during the healing process from the parent (as silent words) are always: “I didn’t know better”, “I couldn’t do better”, or “I didn’t dare more”, or something similar.

Going deeper into the essence

How do we learn about the true cause(s) of any lacking or inadequate presence from a parent? First, we need to be willing to go within and back in time to the actual hurtful experience. Secondly, we need to find a coach or therapist that can lead us into such a deep state where we are able to re-experience those moments of interaction with the parent. Thirdly, in that “imaginary state” (which feels fascinatingly real) we need to be willing to feel those painful emotions again, yet now even more fully. As we re-live the hurtful experience as a child in the imaginary state (yet supported by the higher understanding and courage of ourselves as adults), we also have the ability to feel into our parent’s inner state and what hindered him/her from being present with us in that moment. Then and there, we are able to receive the full truth of the situation from both perspectives (as the child and the parent). With this fuller understanding, we are able to accept the hurtful events of the past and to forgive our parent for not being fully and lovingly present with us in those moments. The inner scene that unfolds in this “therapeutic state” is one of unconditional love, peace, and a new level of freedom. After many times of guiding clients through this journey of healing and transformation, I gave it the name “Into Essence” (as in finding the inner essence of the situation, the parent, and the child).

The 12 “P’s” that may prevent full presence

What may hinder a parent (or any person) from being fully and unconditionally present? Over the years, I have come across a number of possible causes that may prevent a parent (or person) from being fully present with the child to receive and share the child’s thoughts and feelings. These factors can be summarized as 12 words (all beginning with the letter P):

1. Problem – the parent is immersed in some sort of problem, may it be practical, intellectual, relational, private or work-related.
2. Plight – the parent is prevented or preoccupied by certain plights, either for work or as household chores.
3. Profession – the parent is often obliged to attend to its professional demands and expectations. For example, work-related travel and certain deadlines may prevent parents to be present with the child at certain periods or weekdays.
4. Project – the parent is focused on a project, either work-related or home-based, that needs to be finished at a certain time.
5. Passion – the parent is so passionate about something in his/her personal life that it hinders full presence with the child in certain moments of need.
6. Pain – the parent is hindered by his/her own pain (physical and/or emotional).
7. Poor energy or health – the parent is unable to be fully present due to low energy (due to exhaustion or depression) or other health conditions.
8. Persona – the parent is preoccupied by a focus on his/her own personal matters and interests.
9. Privacy – the parent’s personality causes a high degree of privacy towards others, which makes him/her unable to be fully present with the child.
10. Pride – the parent is too pride (for whatever reason) to acknowledge the child and to give of his/her full and unconditional presence.
11. Poverty – the parent is unable to spend time with the child for economic reasons, perhaps after a separation and subsequent move to another town.
12. Prison – in rare cases the parent may be in prison for a certain time period and is unable to be with the child.

Most persons have experienced at least two or more of these conditions on some or many occasions in their lives (the last two factors being very rare). Yet, this may not lead to any negative consequences for our well-being and self-worth, unless it happened in a significant way or repeatedly.

It is important to remember that a child not only needs to share his/her pleasures (such as joy, enthusiasm, love, gratitude, etc), but also feelings of pain (such as sadness, upset, anger, fear, etc) with a parent. In fact, all children need to experience both “co-pleasure” and “com-passion” with some parent or caretaker in order to feel confirmed, validated and loved, which will lead to healthy levels of self-love, self-worth, and inner confidence.

The value of “co-pleasure” and “com-passion”

Why is the gift of presence important? If we, as children, rarely (if ever) felt welcome and encouraged to share our joy and enthusiasm with a parent, we will not feel fully confident to share our joy and enthusiasm with others as adults. Similarly, if we did not feel safe to share our pain with a parent, we will not dare to express our sorrow, hurt and similar feelings as adults. Subconsciously we may live with the belief that “No one cares about how I feel”, or “I am not worthy of care, compassion and support”. Such beliefs are most likely based solely on misunderstandings and false conclusions, based on the child’s limited understanding of life, him/herself, and of the parent. The child tends to identify negative events as the results of his/her own worthiness, mistakes, or flaws. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth. When we recognize how we might have drawn false conclusions based on our limited understanding as children, we become free from the fears and self-imposed limitations that we once created to protect ourselves from getting hurt again in a similar way.

In truth, you are always free to be and express yourself in any way that you wish (*as long as it does not cause harm to someone else by will). In fact, there are no real hinders for your free and full expression. To be able to share our true feelings with another person is not only essential for living a fulfilled life, but also a key ingredient for healing and long-term well-being. Reminding ourselves of what we loved as children is a very good start…

Warm blessings on your journey of self-discovery, growth and healing,

Anna

(PS. This article was first made as a newsletter and sent out in October 2022. If you wish to subscribe, please send an email and I will add you as newsletter subscriber.)

(Note. The list of the 12 Ps was updated on August 5th, 2024.)

Frances Goodall, co-founder of the Women’s Wellness Circle in the UK, describes her own healing journey from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome at the online summit Women’s Wellnes Council 2019. Her full healing finally happened when she “let her authentic feelings flow”, as she explained. Not only did she let her negative emotions flow, but also she began listening to and fully expressing her positive feelings, including her joy. Authenticity, Freedom and Joy were thus key factors enabling her to eventually heal.

To summarize, six key factors have shown to be essential for enabling natural healing, regardless of which condition that we are facing. These are:

1. AUTHENTICITY (being true to our selves): In order to heal from an illness or any chronic health condition, we need to start listening to our Inner Self (our Soul) and the truths it conveys. As we listen more deeply within, we will become aware of our deeper needs, desires and longings, as well as what we lack in our present life and what drains us of energy. Also, we need to give ourselves permission to take these insights and truths seriously, and to begin to act upon them in our daily life. Ultimately, we need to create a life where we are following our inner guidance and living in alignment with our truth, no matter how inconvenient and uncomfortable our truths may be.
2. FREEDOM (expressing our feelings freely): For our healing, we also need to express ourselves freely. This includes expressing all of our feelings. Our natural ways of self-expression are unique to us. Perhaps we need to get to know them again as adults, and then to accept them as they are. Some people express themselves in large, loud and bold ways, while others prefer to be more subtle, calm and cautious. We cannot violate our personality; ultimately we need to surrender to our natural ways (although we might need to compromise with the needs of others sometimes). Our emotions are in fact made of subtle energy. This energy needs to flow freely both within our body and outwardly. Many people have learned (over time) to hold their feelings back and to put a lid on their anger, sadness, grief, etc, as well as their joy, gratitude, and love. We often block ourselves unconsciously as not to overwhelm and cause unease to others. Over time, as we hold our emotions back, we are creating built-up energy in our bodies. Eventually, this may result in tension and muscle fatigue, even chronic pain or a disease. Eventually, we must learn to relax and start releasing this blocked energy so that we can create space for new healthy energy to flow through us, in order to heal our body.
3. JOY (following our heart’s desire): When we follow our heart’s true desire, we feel a spontaneous joy and natural force of life inside. When this joyous energy is allowed to flow freely throughout our body, without constraints, we are replenishing, rejuvenating and healing our body in miraculous ways. We are in fact tapping into an endless reservoar of universal life energy, which springs up from within and flows through every cell of our body. In contrast, when we take action mainly out of necessity, plight or self-discipline, the energy is largely sourced from our muscle tissues and other organs. Also, as we force ourselves to do things against our own will, we tense our bodies unconsciously. As a result, our body can become depleted of energy, our muscles sore and aching, and our overall health can eventualy be compromised. Therefore, an essential ingredient for healing is to listen to our heart and follow our true joy.
4. SELF-EMPOWERMENT (influencing our life): To be able to influence and improve our life circumstances, no matter how small the improvement might be, can be greatly empowering. Experiencing an improvement can give us renewed hope, strength and energy. At the most fundamental level, we at least have the power to influence our own thinking, which in turn influences our feelings and ultimately our reactions and actions. With our free will, we can also make new choices that will shift our situation for the better.  Even when we feel largely stuck in a seemingly hopeless situation, we can choose to look for inspiration and hope in a true positive story about someone else who was able to heal from a similar condition as we have. Moreover, we can find new ways to manage our situation through alternative creative approaches (such as sound baths, breathing, journaling, drawing, smoothies, etc.). With small steps in the right direction, we are likely to see light at the end of the tunnel eventually. When we begin to take actions to improve our situation (even if just a tiny bit), we will stop feeling like a complete victim. If we widen our perspective, we also broaden our horizon. In essence, there is always something that we can do to shift our experience and improve our life. Every little step on the way counts to restoring our health and wellbeing.
5. OPTIMISM (looking for the positive): Ultimately, we need to believe in the possibility of our recovery, or at least believe in the higher good of our situation from a soul perspective. Mary Morrissey suggests that we ask ourselves: “What good can possibly come out of this?”. This question can be deeply transformational as it opens up a completely new outlook on our situation. We are here encouraged to look for any benefit or gain that can arise from our situation (in the present moment or forseeable future). Any gain or benefit can be found, regardless of how dark or hopeless it may seem in the now. Here, having some kind of spiritual belief system (i.e. a belief in a universal benevolent Higher Power), by which to put our trust in, has proven very helpful.
6. Social support (receiving support from others): Lastly, we do depend on the support of others, especially when we are facing great challenges or when our health is wavering. In these moments, we are greatly supported by having someone to talk to, ideally someone who will listen to our sadness or worries and also encourage us and lift us up. We truly benefit from someone who believes in our recovery and future health, even it may seem very distant to us (even impossible) in the present moment. Other people may lighten our work load around the home, or give a smile and hug when we feel low. Having a support team of persons with different roles can be THE difference that makes the journey so much easier.

This is the true story of Arion Light, an Australian man who tragically lost is wife to cancer about 10 years ago. Recently, Arion shared his deeply moving story before a large audience at the online Embodiment Conference (14 – 25th October 2020). Below is Arion’s personal account as shared at the conference (here carefully transcribed by me):

“[About] ten years ago my life came crumbling down. My beloved wife and mother to our 18 months old boy got diagnosed with cancer. And all my lovely little spiritual paradigms and my world came crumbling down and she was terminal. And I went into this space where I felt broken and I felt betrayed by life… Those of you who have been through hard times, know that the ideas and the concepts that we have, and we think we have worked something out in life; they can fall apart. That is what happened for me. I became really resentful of life, really hard and then really guilty about how [I felt]. I was going through all the motions caring for her, caring for our young boy, trying to take care of everyone and do everything I was meant to do. But I was frozen inside and furious. Actually, which I didn’t even know at the time, but I felt so betrayed. I bought into that spiritual principle of, if you just do your meditations and say your affirmations, your life will work out. And I was even teaching people that, and I thought I had some sort of handle on life. And then ‘real life’ came and got me. So that was in many ways the hardest time in my life. There was about six months of that, and it just got harder. And people could say, ‘Aaron you’re doing so well’, and I would smile and go ‘Yes’, but underneath I was just frozen inside.

Then after about six months, I got to this point where I actually couldn’t cope anymore. I remember sitting on the couch… [It was the day’s end] at 10:30 at night. I was sitting on the couch and I just started to cry. And my wife was in one room. She was sick with the cough, and my boy was sick in another room, and I had been going between NCIS [a television show] and caring for both of them for hours. And finally, there was this moment, sometime close to midnight, where they had both gone silent and the house was still, and the tears started to fall. And I remember literally slipping off the couch and falling on the floor and just sobbing, and this incredible feeling of failure came up. This feeling like ‘I can’t do it’. You know, ‘I can’t be this man that I meant to be. I can’t look after my wife. I feel like I’m failing her.’ She’s going through, you know, facing her own death and facing not being able to be a mother to her son. And here I am frozen and angry and just going through the motions and here is my boy trying to make sense of what was going on. And again, just parenting like a robot. And the guilt and the shame were so intense, and I just sobbed and broke, really remember saying ‘I can’t do this. I can’t do this.’ I didn’t know what any other option I had, but I just felt like I broke [inside].

And in that breaking somewhere on that floor, in that puddle I was on the floor, when I’d finally stopped trying to be the man I thought I should be. There was something else there. This presence, this depth of love, that came and held me. And I remember it like it was yesterday. Just this sense of Love rising up, and going, ‘I’ve got you’. And this feeling of ‘I don’t deserve this. Look at the horrible husband I’m being. Look at the pathetic dad I am being. Look, I’m so full of anger and hatred of myself.’ And the Love just rose and said ‘I’ve got you. It’s okay.’ And I just laid with it and got the first bit of rest bite that I’d had since we’ve got the news. And then, the next night it happened again, and the Love rose and held me, and I just cracked into it like an ocean and just got held there. I felt like I was being rocked by this deep love. I had known love as something more spiritual before, like something that I would experience out beyond me. I would open into the Divine Love.

But this was like Love rising through my flesh and my bones and that most ugly human bits of me. It was just saying ‘I love you. I’ve got you’.

I went through this process every night for about a week, where I would just fall into its arms of Love, and this really beautiful thing would happen where I would argue with it. It’s like, I would tell it where I wasn’t worthy of love. ‘Look how I haven’t been able to do this. I haven’t been able to do that and failing here.’ And if you’ve ever tried to argue with unconditional Love, it’s hard to win because it just goes, ‘I see you. I love you’. So after about a week, I just broke and this Love just washed through me. This oceanic love that was bigger than all my pain and all of my failures, everything. It just held me.

I remember waking up the next morning and just going: ‘Oh my god, I can, I can do this.’ And I just had this new vigor of life to meet my wife and my son. And then this miracle happened, which is really the source of this work [called Warrior Rythm] and why I’m telling this story. It’s that in the months leading up to her passing, this Love wasn’t just something that consoled me. It wasn’t just a Love like I had understood Love to be, which was like a sort of passive ‘I love you’ sort of thing.

But it became a living current in my body. And after breaking into its arms, it would start to flow through me like a river. And I noticed it flow through and move into action, and it would literally love my wife in ways that I couldn’t. That ‘me’, the personality, had fail that. And here, Love was moving and holding me in her arms, while she shared the deepest vulnerabilities of our heart. And there was me meeting my son and holding him as he was trying to make sense. And all of a sudden, I was living my life way better than I’d ever been able to.

And I was in that sort of cracking that I had to make my life work. You know, I’ve been like most of us being in that notion that I need to be the best person I can be and I need to try harder and do my affirmations and align my chakras and heal my mommy and daddy issues and you know, being more Zen and being more Yin or be more Yang. You know, I had all these different things that I was meant to do, to try and be, the person that I was meant to be. And yet here I was, broken, failed, and yet life was moving through me and living my life better than I ever could have.

I actually remember the day she passed, I was very blessed in such a horrific time, that was full of love. We had called the whole lot of friends together and they had been singing songs. She had been in a coma for a couple of days and I woke up about 5:30 in the morning. I was sleeping in her room next to her bed. And I just went over and went behind her and just held her in my arms, and just felt this Love pouring through me and through her. And another whole story is the way she had opened to Love in that time of death as well, in her last week. She would share that she has found the Love that cannot die. And so we were both in this incredible state of love as my heart and her heart was breaking again and again.

So in this morning, just as the kookaburras, which are amazing birds… their birdsong is like a laugh. Just as the first kookaburra started laughing in the morning, she passed away in my arms. And there was this incredible rush of love and beauty as my heart broke and the tears fell, and you know I was shattered. But this Love… I was in awe that here I was in… the worst thing that could ever happen to me. And here I was, more in love and more myself than I’d ever been. And it really made me realize that this sort of striving that I have been trying to do wasn’t working. It was more effort on the top of actually the truth of what I was, which call it Love, Spirit or Soul, but I’ll stay with Love today. That true nature of Love that had revealed itself. That wasn’t just a passive ‘Aahhh’, angelic spiritual thing. It was a f-cking, excuse the language, wild current.

In the years after that, through the grief and the 10 years since then, I have become a student of that Love. I have bowed to that Love and it has shown me how to be that Love. And then… I have started to teach other people and train… [In the past,] I’ve ran coaching programs and things beforehand, but they were much more about using techniques to try and become a better person. But as this Love ravished me and showed me that I was Love and that you are loved and that we are Love. This whole part of me trying so hard to make my life work just got in the jacuzzi, in the back of the bus, and just chilled out. And this Love learned to be the driver in my life and more and more of me learned to surrender to it. And then I began to work with other people and realize that this wasn’t just something for me, but that this was actually my life’s work, to help me and anyone else who is up for it to become that flow of Love, both for ourselves [and others]…

So, in any moment, we can bring in that flow. But even more miraculously, we can tap into that Love through our bodies, so it can become a living fire and create through us.

You know my passion, my tagline, the heart of my work, is ‘Love in action’… We can connect to that love and then bring it through. And so that’s what the ‘Warrior Rhythm’ is about, to teach you about this power that we have, to tap Love and let Love be that force that creates our life. And I have helped thousands of people now in yearlong programs and three months programs to become ‘Love in action’. And I’ve taken it from an experience and a possibility to a trainable method so that we can learn how to crack open to the Love. We can learn how to awaken it through our bodies. We can learn how to let it allow flow into action.”

Today, Arion Light works with clients, individually and in group, to help them connect with and awaken that Love in their own bodies and let it move them into action. This is his deepest passion, to inspire and awaken “love in action” in people around the world. Arion is founder of ‘Warriors of Love’, a year-long embodiment training program, as well as the creator of the ‘Warrior Rhythm’, an integral four-phase modality that unites spirituality, embodiment, action, and shadow work. For over a decade, he has worked with tens of thousands of people on how to align their soul, body, and action in everyday life. In addition, he is the author of many books and online programs and has ran hundreds of retreats and workshops.

For more about Arion Light’s work, see: https://www.warrior-rising.com/warrior-apprenticeship.

Note: The manuscript was fully read and approved by Arion Light before its publication.

Photos from Unsplash:
Top photo (man by lake) by Aaron Burden; second photo (sofa) by Jorge Moncayo; third photo (woman) by Oliver Pacas; last photo (man in sunset) by Zac Durant.

Could you remain calm despite having your full head inside a lion’s mouth, while feeling its teeth around your neck, and knowing that you are completely powerless? Could you feel safe while sitting alone in a cave and feeling the full weight of a lion’s body on yours with no means to defend yourself or escape the situation?

Yes, for Fred Donaldson, this was in fact possible! Fred shares his remarkable experiences and lessons in a fascinating interview, “There’s Nothing to be Afraid of”, at the Embodiment Conference (aired between October 14-25, 2020).

During his last 40 years, Fred Donaldson has spent most of his time interacting with, playing with, and learning from wild animals (including lions, tigers, grizzly bears and wolves) and children of different cultures (including street kids in Mexico). All this time, he has been driven by a deep curiosity and fascination of the way children and animal play and communicate. What he discovered was a universal, inherent, intuitive, and non-verbal form of communication, which was enabled by a natural ability to rest in the present moment. Yet, this form of communication seems to weaken as we grow up and become rational adults of the modern world.

Yet, over time, Fred learned that it is actually possible to re-learn how to feel present, grounded, and safe – even in extreme situations of apparent danger. For example, he was able to stay calm and present even as he came close up with a wild grizzly bear (who put its enormous head against Fred’s, rested his paw on his shoulder, and pushed him to fall on the ground). Or when he walked into a classroom to bring out a young boy (who was holding a knife), by turning his back towards the boy and silently inviting him to jump up onto his back, so that they could both walk out safely and disarm the situation.

Through his unique experiences, Fred also realized that, “the more connected you are [to the situation, to others, and to the mystery of life], the safer you are. And the safer you are, the safer the other person is.” He also learned to “give 100% of love and receive whatever comes.” In other words, to give love unconditionally without demanding or expecting anything in return. Also, he learned what it means to focus on the now (no future and no past) and to trust the present moment to 100%.

Also, by interacting with children and wild animals, Fred recognized what he calls “a mystery of life” as well as an inherent goodness in all life forms:

“[It felt as if God, the children, and all animals had come together to] show me that my view of the world is way too small… and [to] give me situations in which I have no taught skill to handle. And yet I [discovered that I had] come with the skill! And I have no idea where it comes from. And to feel comfortable, to feel at ease with that mystery and the beauty of that life. It is just an amazing experience… I call it a coherence among life, that when it’s there, it’s communicated. And you know, not just young people, but among all life forms. Hm, that is safety. That’s what it means to have nothing to be afraid of.”

“And the reality is, in all the years of doing this, the kids and animals have been incredibly kind to me. They can be very severe and very strict when I make mistakes. But there’s no blame. There’s no fault. There’s no revenge and they show me a kind of love that is just so powerful and so real. It’s tangible, you can actually feel it like you’re embraced in it. That’s amazing. It just surrounds you.” — “I become this, as my language. Not meant to be a word that everyone has to use, but I become a ‘face of God’ and I play with ‘the face of God’. I’m not playing with a grizzly or a lion or a child with autism or a gang member. I’m playing with the face of God. And it’s the face of God presence. That’s the magic…. That’s where safety is. And it’s nothing to be afraid of.” (Fred Donaldson, Embodiment Conference, 2020)

In other words, when Fred recognized the face of God in the other person (or in the wild animal), he realized that there was nothing to be afraid of, nothing to fear. There was only love – a powerful and tangible love. He could rest in this full embrace, knowing he was completely safe.

Fred also emphasizes the value of dropping our self-defense and our identifications or roles:

“I’ve learned over all these years that self-defense… I don’t want to [do that]. It’s not about defending myself ever… Love is a much stronger force or energy than fear. So… I call it self-disappearance, so that the categories that might be visible or felt by someone else, that makes them afraid, disappear. I don’t appear as a human or a white guy or therapist or any of those other categories that allow us to get hurt. And that was 100% taught to me by kids and animals without talking.” – “We can choose to play and die, rather than live and not play. It is about playing fully, not waiting. This is it!” — “And that’s what it is, every time, every child, every animal, every human. When we play, it is God’s gift to each of us, that we give back and forth.” (Fred Donaldson, Embodiment Conference, 2020)

How can we live in this state of total trust and surrendering? Fred shares some valuable everyday practices:

You can start by “feeling the beauty every day. Find something. If you don’t touch it with your hand, touch it with your eyes. Feel the beauty in us, in the world around us, in the rain, where you are. And, in that feeling, in the simple feeling of beauty, there is love.”—“Touch the world around you.” —” Just touching it makes us connected.”— “Think of touching an infant, think of touching a butterfly… What does it feel like for the butterfly to touch you? That is the skill you need.” — So, “Don’t grab the world, embrace it.” (Fred Donaldson, Embodiment Conference, 2020)

To create mutual trust and safety in our interactions with other people (and animals), the lessons of Fred may be summarized in the following bullets:

1. Be silent initially as you approach another person (or animal), as opposed to using words.
2. Be grounded in your body and become aware of the body language, both yours and the others.
3. Trust your body’s intelligence, as opposed to trusting your brain and rational mind.
4. Lower your guard using your body posture and movements, so as to not give a threatening impression, which would be sensed by the other.
5. Express trust in the other person with your body language, as opposed to showing fear and distrust.
6. Sense the other person energetically, by tuning into the other person’s energy.
7. Feel the other person emotionally, while choosing to feel only love in return.
8. Trust the inherent good will and innocence of the other person.
9. Feel and express only unconditional love for the other person.
10. Have clarity of mind, by knowing your intentions and being clear about your actions. (When we feel clarity, there is less confusion and fear in the other person.)

For more information about Fred Donaldson’s work, see: International Foundation for Original Play. Photo by Florian Berger (Unsplash.com).