For many people, finding time and space for “stillness” can be difficult in modern everyday life. Yet, being still has many highly valuable benefits for our health and wellbeing, as proven by research. When we still ourselves, by sitting or laying down, closing our eyes, and turning our attention inward, we are able to tune into our bodily sensations and become aware of our thoughts and feelings, and ultimately, listen to our inner voice. People who practice meditation, mindfulness, yoga, or similar forms of centering practice on a regular basis are well acquainted with the calming, deeply relaxing and even healing outcomes of being still. For others, however, practicing stillness can be difficult to “make happen” on most days, perhaps even on vacation.

Words from Ancient Teachings

In the Old Testament, there is a famous verse that reads: “Be Still, and Know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10). When we are still and focus our attention inward, we can align with our inner “center point”. Some people call this place our “Soul center”. Others describe it as our “True or Higher Self” or “Essence”. Still others refer to it as “God within” and believe it to be the place where we are “One with God”. Regardless of how we phrase it, it is the place where we become witness to our external conditions, as the events, people and environment around us. Even more importantly, it is also the place where we can observe our inner reality, as our thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. In other words, we become the Observer as opposed to the Reactor. Thus, when we lean back into our center point, we distance our awareness away from our random thoughts, associated feelings, and any discomfort in our body. As the Observers of our reality, we can begin to detach from (or let go of) our fears, worries, expectations, desires, etc. After sufficient mindfulness practice, we can eventually experience moments of “equanimity” (or inner calm) and even so-called “enlightenment” (or spiritual awakening).

Buddha wrote at great length about how to attain equanimity and enlightenment through various practices of mindfulness and surrendering. According to the buddhist monk Bhikkhu Bodhi, “The mind of equanimity is compared to the driver of a chariot when the horses are moving at a steady pace: he neither has to urge them forward nor to hold them back, but can just sit comfortably and watch the scenery go by.” (The Noble Eightfold Path, 1998). Jesus also encouraged us to loosen our strings to the outer world with his saying: “Be passersby” (Gospel of Thomas, Saying 42). In the same Gospel, Jesus also encourages us to seek the “treasure that is unfailing, that is enduring, where no moth comes to eat and no worm destroys.” In other words, the enduring treasures are rarely found in the outer world, but rather in the spiritual or relational inner world.

Your answers are found within…

In our modern lives, it is easy to become distracted by the constant flow of information and outer impressions, especially if you are an extrovert. Yet, often, it is not in the outer world where we find our most valuable answers and unique ideas, but within. When we practice meditation, or let our minds rest in effortless wandering, for example while sitting on the bus or taking a shower, we are suddenly given the very answers that we seek.

Our “inside” is nothing like an empty dull well, but rather like a flourishing garden where we can find our greatest treasures. Our innermost reality has understandably been likened to a Kingdom, as portrayed in the Gospel of Luke: “Now when He was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, He answered them and said, “The kingdom of God does not come with observation; nor will they say, [See here!’ or ‘See there!’ For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.” (Luke 17:20-21, New Testament)

Moreover, Emmet Fox, one of the most popular New Thought Leaders of the early 20th century in the US, wrote: “It is being still to know that God is God. Such ‘stillness’ is the reverse of laziness or inaction. The still dwelling upon God is the quietest but the most potent action of all.” (Source) In other words, the practice of stillness need not be a passive act, but can be a continuous adventure of exploring your ever-unfolding unknown. Regardless of what you may be expecting, being still and going within can lead you to the very answers that you have been seeking, and to the peace of mind and heart that you have been longing for. At least, it will be a journey worthwile taking.

In the image (above), I share my own definition of “meditation”. To me, it is “the practice of consciously re-turning to our innermost place of being the still, silent and serene Observer, where we are able to rest peacefully in the Here and Now and embody our innate capacity for non-judgment, non-reactivity and awareness of eternal unity.” Yes, lots of words, but hopefully something worth contemplating…

For more inspiration, see this article “The Outer Guard Position vs The Inner Soul Center“.

PS. This article was first written as a “newsletter”, which was sent out in November, 2021.

Coaching on to the Spiritual and Existential

If you wish to talk about existential and/or spiritual aspects of human life, or if you are facing a personal existential challenge or crisis in your own life, warm welcome to contact me. (Read more here.)

Frances Goodall, co-founder of the Women’s Wellness Circle in the UK, describes her own healing journey from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome at the online summit Women’s Wellnes Council 2019. Her full healing finally happened when she “let her authentic feelings flow”, as she explained. Not only did she let her negative emotions flow, but also she began listening to and fully expressing her positive feelings, including her joy. Authenticity, Freedom and Joy were thus key factors enabling her to eventually heal.

To summarize, six key factors have shown to be essential for enabling natural healing, regardless of which condition that we are facing. These are:

1. AUTHENTICITY (being true to our selves): In order to heal from an illness or any chronic health condition, we need to start listening to our Inner Self (our Soul) and the truths it conveys. As we listen more deeply within, we will become aware of our deeper needs, desires and longings, as well as what we lack in our present life and what drains us of energy. Also, we need to give ourselves permission to take these insights and truths seriously, and to begin to act upon them in our daily life. Ultimately, we need to create a life where we are following our inner guidance and living in alignment with our truth, no matter how inconvenient and uncomfortable our truths may be.
2. FREEDOM (expressing our feelings freely): For our healing, we also need to express ourselves freely. This includes expressing all of our feelings. Our natural ways of self-expression are unique to us. Perhaps we need to get to know them again as adults, and then to accept them as they are. Some people express themselves in large, loud and bold ways, while others prefer to be more subtle, calm and cautious. We cannot violate our personality; ultimately we need to surrender to our natural ways (although we might need to compromise with the needs of others sometimes). Our emotions are in fact made of subtle energy. This energy needs to flow freely both within our body and outwardly. Many people have learned (over time) to hold their feelings back and to put a lid on their anger, sadness, grief, etc, as well as their joy, gratitude, and love. We often block ourselves unconsciously as not to overwhelm and cause unease to others. Over time, as we hold our emotions back, we are creating built-up energy in our bodies. Eventually, this may result in tension and muscle fatigue, even chronic pain or a disease. Eventually, we must learn to relax and start releasing this blocked energy so that we can create space for new healthy energy to flow through us, in order to heal our body.
3. JOY (following our heart’s desire): When we follow our heart’s true desire, we feel a spontaneous joy and natural force of life inside. When this joyous energy is allowed to flow freely throughout our body, without constraints, we are replenishing, rejuvenating and healing our body in miraculous ways. We are in fact tapping into an endless reservoar of universal life energy, which springs up from within and flows through every cell of our body. In contrast, when we take action mainly out of necessity, plight or self-discipline, the energy is largely sourced from our muscle tissues and other organs. Also, as we force ourselves to do things against our own will, we tense our bodies unconsciously. As a result, our body can become depleted of energy, our muscles sore and aching, and our overall health can eventualy be compromised. Therefore, an essential ingredient for healing is to listen to our heart and follow our true joy.
4. SELF-EMPOWERMENT (influencing our life): To be able to influence and improve our life circumstances, no matter how small the improvement might be, can be greatly empowering. Experiencing an improvement can give us renewed hope, strength and energy. At the most fundamental level, we at least have the power to influence our own thinking, which in turn influences our feelings and ultimately our reactions and actions. With our free will, we can also make new choices that will shift our situation for the better.  Even when we feel largely stuck in a seemingly hopeless situation, we can choose to look for inspiration and hope in a true positive story about someone else who was able to heal from a similar condition as we have. Moreover, we can find new ways to manage our situation through alternative creative approaches (such as sound baths, breathing, journaling, drawing, smoothies, etc.). With small steps in the right direction, we are likely to see light at the end of the tunnel eventually. When we begin to take actions to improve our situation (even if just a tiny bit), we will stop feeling like a complete victim. If we widen our perspective, we also broaden our horizon. In essence, there is always something that we can do to shift our experience and improve our life. Every little step on the way counts to restoring our health and wellbeing.
5. OPTIMISM (looking for the positive): Ultimately, we need to believe in the possibility of our recovery, or at least believe in the higher good of our situation from a soul perspective. Mary Morrissey suggests that we ask ourselves: “What good can possibly come out of this?”. This question can be deeply transformational as it opens up a completely new outlook on our situation. We are here encouraged to look for any benefit or gain that can arise from our situation (in the present moment or forseeable future). Any gain or benefit can be found, regardless of how dark or hopeless it may seem in the now. Here, having some kind of spiritual belief system (i.e. a belief in a universal benevolent Higher Power), by which to put our trust in, has proven very helpful.
6. Social support (receiving support from others): Lastly, we do depend on the support of others, especially when we are facing great challenges or when our health is wavering. In these moments, we are greatly supported by having someone to talk to, ideally someone who will listen to our sadness or worries and also encourage us and lift us up. We truly benefit from someone who believes in our recovery and future health, even it may seem very distant to us (even impossible) in the present moment. Other people may lighten our work load around the home, or give a smile and hug when we feel low. Having a support team of persons with different roles can be THE difference that makes the journey so much easier.

Could you remain calm despite having your full head inside a lion’s mouth, while feeling its teeth around your neck, and knowing that you are completely powerless? Could you feel safe while sitting alone in a cave and feeling the full weight of a lion’s body on yours with no means to defend yourself or escape the situation?

Yes, for Fred Donaldson, this was in fact possible! Fred shares his remarkable experiences and lessons in a fascinating interview, “There’s Nothing to be Afraid of”, at the Embodiment Conference (aired between October 14-25, 2020).

During his last 40 years, Fred Donaldson has spent most of his time interacting with, playing with, and learning from wild animals (including lions, tigers, grizzly bears and wolves) and children of different cultures (including street kids in Mexico). All this time, he has been driven by a deep curiosity and fascination of the way children and animal play and communicate. What he discovered was a universal, inherent, intuitive, and non-verbal form of communication, which was enabled by a natural ability to rest in the present moment. Yet, this form of communication seems to weaken as we grow up and become rational adults of the modern world.

Yet, over time, Fred learned that it is actually possible to re-learn how to feel present, grounded, and safe – even in extreme situations of apparent danger. For example, he was able to stay calm and present even as he came close up with a wild grizzly bear (who put its enormous head against Fred’s, rested his paw on his shoulder, and pushed him to fall on the ground). Or when he walked into a classroom to bring out a young boy (who was holding a knife), by turning his back towards the boy and silently inviting him to jump up onto his back, so that they could both walk out safely and disarm the situation.

Through his unique experiences, Fred also realized that, “the more connected you are [to the situation, to others, and to the mystery of life], the safer you are. And the safer you are, the safer the other person is.” He also learned to “give 100% of love and receive whatever comes.” In other words, to give love unconditionally without demanding or expecting anything in return. Also, he learned what it means to focus on the now (no future and no past) and to trust the present moment to 100%.

Also, by interacting with children and wild animals, Fred recognized what he calls “a mystery of life” as well as an inherent goodness in all life forms:

“[It felt as if God, the children, and all animals had come together to] show me that my view of the world is way too small… and [to] give me situations in which I have no taught skill to handle. And yet I [discovered that I had] come with the skill! And I have no idea where it comes from. And to feel comfortable, to feel at ease with that mystery and the beauty of that life. It is just an amazing experience… I call it a coherence among life, that when it’s there, it’s communicated. And you know, not just young people, but among all life forms. Hm, that is safety. That’s what it means to have nothing to be afraid of.”

“And the reality is, in all the years of doing this, the kids and animals have been incredibly kind to me. They can be very severe and very strict when I make mistakes. But there’s no blame. There’s no fault. There’s no revenge and they show me a kind of love that is just so powerful and so real. It’s tangible, you can actually feel it like you’re embraced in it. That’s amazing. It just surrounds you.” — “I become this, as my language. Not meant to be a word that everyone has to use, but I become a ‘face of God’ and I play with ‘the face of God’. I’m not playing with a grizzly or a lion or a child with autism or a gang member. I’m playing with the face of God. And it’s the face of God presence. That’s the magic…. That’s where safety is. And it’s nothing to be afraid of.” (Fred Donaldson, Embodiment Conference, 2020)

In other words, when Fred recognized the face of God in the other person (or in the wild animal), he realized that there was nothing to be afraid of, nothing to fear. There was only love – a powerful and tangible love. He could rest in this full embrace, knowing he was completely safe.

Fred also emphasizes the value of dropping our self-defense and our identifications or roles:

“I’ve learned over all these years that self-defense… I don’t want to [do that]. It’s not about defending myself ever… Love is a much stronger force or energy than fear. So… I call it self-disappearance, so that the categories that might be visible or felt by someone else, that makes them afraid, disappear. I don’t appear as a human or a white guy or therapist or any of those other categories that allow us to get hurt. And that was 100% taught to me by kids and animals without talking.” – “We can choose to play and die, rather than live and not play. It is about playing fully, not waiting. This is it!” — “And that’s what it is, every time, every child, every animal, every human. When we play, it is God’s gift to each of us, that we give back and forth.” (Fred Donaldson, Embodiment Conference, 2020)

How can we live in this state of total trust and surrendering? Fred shares some valuable everyday practices:

You can start by “feeling the beauty every day. Find something. If you don’t touch it with your hand, touch it with your eyes. Feel the beauty in us, in the world around us, in the rain, where you are. And, in that feeling, in the simple feeling of beauty, there is love.”—“Touch the world around you.” —” Just touching it makes us connected.”— “Think of touching an infant, think of touching a butterfly… What does it feel like for the butterfly to touch you? That is the skill you need.” — So, “Don’t grab the world, embrace it.” (Fred Donaldson, Embodiment Conference, 2020)

To create mutual trust and safety in our interactions with other people (and animals), the lessons of Fred may be summarized in the following bullets:

1. Be silent initially as you approach another person (or animal), as opposed to using words.
2. Be grounded in your body and become aware of the body language, both yours and the others.
3. Trust your body’s intelligence, as opposed to trusting your brain and rational mind.
4. Lower your guard using your body posture and movements, so as to not give a threatening impression, which would be sensed by the other.
5. Express trust in the other person with your body language, as opposed to showing fear and distrust.
6. Sense the other person energetically, by tuning into the other person’s energy.
7. Feel the other person emotionally, while choosing to feel only love in return.
8. Trust the inherent good will and innocence of the other person.
9. Feel and express only unconditional love for the other person.
10. Have clarity of mind, by knowing your intentions and being clear about your actions. (When we feel clarity, there is less confusion and fear in the other person.)

For more information about Fred Donaldson’s work, see: International Foundation for Original Play. Photo by Florian Berger (Unsplash.com).

Based on personal experiences, case studies and literature reviews, the two most common root causes of physical pain are: a) a longterm stressful life situation; and b) a highly stressful sudden incident or event. The reasons why an ache ends up in a special place or location within the body, however, varies for the two types of pain:

1. If the ache is the result of a stressful chronic life situation, the location seems to be related to the type of stress that the person experiences; and
2. If the ache is the result of a highly stressful sudden incident, the location seems to be related to the place in the body where the incident (impact) was experienced.

Physical pain caused by a stressful chronic life situation

For many people, physical pain is often the result of a longer period of high stress, that is, a highly stressful chronic life situation. Such a situation may be work-related, that is, experienced due to challenging work conditions or as a result of lack of work. In other cases, the pain is primarily socially related, that is, the result of challenging relationships, often with close family members. In still other cases, the pain may be developed as a result of challenging personal issues, such as low self-esteem, depression, despair, anxiety, guilt, and loneliness. Examples of different forms of physical pain that has developed over time, and their possible causes, are:

• Lower-back pain, which may result from lack of support or security, such as lack of economic resources, creating an inner struggle to hold life up;
• Shoulder pain, which may result from work overload and overresponsibility, creating an inner struggle to carry the weight of the world on one’s shoulders;
• Arm pain, which may result from long-term exhaustion, for example having too much duties and too little rest, creating an inner struggle to carry on and be alert;
• Stomach pain, which may result from an unwillingness to meet and accept life’s present circumstances, creating an inner struggle to go through with something against one’s own will;
• Lower leg pain (calves), which may result from hurrying and rushing through life, creating an inner struggle to run fast(er) to keep up with the pace, either yours or someone else’s agenda; and
• Upper leg pain (outer thighs), which may result from dreading a serious injury or even death of a person (either oneself or someone dear), creating an struggle to protect oneself or the other person(s), which may result in a recurring strong “fight or flight response” via the legs.

In the above examples, physical pain is the result of a longterm (chronic) situation of high mental and emotional stress. The struggle that is taking place in one’s mind and heart eventually builds up to a point where it becomes so “energetic loaded” and physiologically exhaustive that it tranforms into a physical pain in the body.

In fact, the most common stressful situations leading to physical pain may be summarized with six words: carry, worry, hurry, bury, scary and sorry. Looking more closely, each word captures the main struggle inside the person on a subconscious level. The struggle eventually causes so much built-up tissue tensions and exhaustion (and energy blockages) in the affected body part, that it results in physical pain. The associated beliefs of these six words can be formulated as follows:

• Carry – “I believe that I must carry the work load, responsibility, or duties of the world no matter what my body tells me.”
• Worry – “I believe that I must worry about what may happen, either to myself or someone else, so as to prepare for or prevent any negative outcome.”
• Hurry – “I believe that I must hurry or rush with almost anything in life as time is not enough for all that I need to do.”
• Bury – “I believe that I must not speak out my truth or opinions because it may lead to negative outcomes for myself or others.”
• Scary – “I believe that I must protect myself or someone whom I care for, so that nothing negative or dangerous may happen.”
• Sorry – “I believe that I must feel sorry and guilty, even shameful, for something negative that I have done (or someone dear to me has done).”

Physical pain caused by a highly stressful sudden incident

The other type of physical pain is the result of a sudden highly stressful event. This type of pain is rarely obvious at first glance and often quite “mysterious” even for the person in question. It may take one or more sessions with an experienced life coach or a psychologist to uncover the hidden cause and message in the pain. (For this purpose, the process called BodyWisdom is very useful, as well as EFT tapping; hypnotherapy may also be valuable, but even just a genuine interest and attentive listening may cause the necessary unfolding and pain relief.)

For example, I met a woman at a stress-rehab center some years ago. I asked her why she was participating in the “stress/pain/burnout”-program, and she told me that she, among other things, had pain in her right buttock. I asked her when she first began to experience this pain, and she told me that she had been having the ache for some years ever since she had given birth to her child. I asked if the birthing process had been very painful. No, she told me, not very difficult at all. Yet, when she began to recall the day of the delivery at greater depth, she told me that she and her husband had an accident on the way to the hospital where she gave birth. In summary, she told me the following:

“We sat in a taxi and suddenly we were hit from the right by a car. I felt a pain in my right buttock, but I was so focused on the labor pains that I didn’t give much attention to the pain caused by the accident. Then, when my husband and I arrived at the hospital and were going up in the elevator to the maternity ward, we briefly talked about what had happened in the car, but quickly decided that we would leave it at that and not think further about it; after all, we were lucky and no serious injury had happened…

I then asked if she had experienced a similar car accident earlier in her life. Yes, she had and it had also been quite stressful, but it too went overall well. That was the end of our conversation. Shortly after this, she left the building… The next day, she came up to me in the break saying that her pain in the buttock had completely disappeared! She was so surprised and happy. In fact, she had noticed that the pain was gone already as she left the building some 5-15 minutes after our conversation. How could this happen? As the example shows, when she gave more genuine attention and awareness to her body (buttock) and what had happened in the taxi, she began to process the accident more indepth… As a result, the “negative energetic residue” (or cellular or tissue memory), which had been locked inside her body for so many years, had dissolved. She was now pain-free. In sum, it took more mental awareness and emotional processing to dissolve and release the “energy blockage” (or body memory) that had remained in her buttock as a result of the traumatic event. In this case, all it took was a short conversation with some open questions and a genuine interest to listen through.